Enough of the Serious Crap...
Have you ever noticed that the only thing worse than the story line in porn flicks and pics, is the background decor? Click here to go to a website where 2 interior designers critique the decor in porn pics. HILARIOUS!
Saturday, August 31, 2002
I'm a Big, Fat Hypocrite, and as Such, I Feel Like Vomiting, or Becoming Republican
Going "home" again makes one face some hard truths. So here I sit in Icky-ta. Deodorant failing from the humidity, car plastered with hideous bugs the size of small rodents. And me realizing that I so suck.
At the top of this very page I say that I "flip the bird to the judgmental." Well Mary, give yourself one big flipoff because you my dear, are judgmental.
Not in the way I used to be in my early 20's. Back then, I saw everything as either right or wrong. But after a nightmare of a husband, I learned a hard lesson of what it's like to be thrust in someone else's moccasins and forced to walk a few miles. There is always another side to every story. Even in the most flawed belief systems, there is some truth hidden SOMEWHERE that allowed those beliefs to grow and take hold in someone's mind. If you're judgmental, you don't listen to other people. That is dangerous. It keeps you from growing as a person.
However, back when I was more judgmental when it came to moral absolutes, I was absolutely way too open minded when it came to the way I would allow others to treat me. No judgment there! You shit on me, that's OK. Must be my fault somehow. Why don't I keep you in my life and allow you to repeat the shitting, while I figure out just why it's my fault.
14 years later, and I've done a 180 turnaround 'tude wise. I'm rarely judgmental when it comes to what others believe, as long as they're not judging ME for having different beliefs. In fact, I've been known to totally change my mind after listening to someone else's opinion.
But I'm quickly becoming alarmingly intolerant of how other people treat me. My fingers are perpetually on the "ctrl-D" keys, just waiting for an excuse for me to delete you from my life. Go ahead, make my day.
Why such a defensive stance? I have only myself to blame. I'm like a person that allowed herself to be sunburned over and over. But instead of saying, "Hey, how about some caution? A hat? A little sunscreen?" I respond like a spoiled child, "Fine! Sunburns, I'll show you! I'll go live in a cave and never go out in the sun again!"
Yesterday, I'm sitting in the park with my ex-boyfriend that I hadn't seen in almost a year. I had missed him like crazy and never did get over him. He got over me pretty well, didn't even notice I moved out of state. We started talking again last May after 7 months of silence.
Yesterday, he was able to spare a whole 30 minutes to see me when I was back in town. He did not look me in the eye ONCE. He didn't hug me hello or goodbye, didn't say he was glad to see me, didn't ask anything about me or my life since I moved. I just sat there thinking, "What the hell am I doing here?" So tempted to hit "ctrl-D" and just never talk to him again. Because I'm being judgmental. I've decided in my mind that I love a person, and if that person doesn't love me back in the way I want, doesn't consider me as important as I consider them, then I should just cut them out of my life. Perform the mastectomy at the first hint of a tumor, screw the biopsy.
I suppose I shouldn't be writing this, because he has my website. But he hasn't gotten around to reading any email that I've sent him, or coming to this site once, so I have a feeling I shouldn't be worried. He told me once when we were dating, "You know Mary, you have to just realize that NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK!" I keep telling myself that, but then I make the mistake of exposing myself over and over again, wanting someone to know me. I suppose I should just learn to smile and shut up, but I never do.
I am the Eddie Haskell in the sitcom of life. Not important enough to play a major role. I'm just supposed to wait backstage, and when a punchline is needed, come in on cue and deliver it, then make a convenient exit. People are annoyed and uninterested if I try to develop my character. I've been cast in one role, and should stay in my place.
I suppose I should just be thankful for the part. But instead I'm resentful and judgmental. I'm not comfortable with the rejection. Being "good enough" for a minor role should be good enough for me, but it's not. I want to hit "ctrl-d".
It HAS to be my fault that I'm nothing more to people, but for the life of me I can't figure it out. I mean, I recognize that I'm a pain in the ass. But everyone is at some point or another. What is my fatal flaw? I must have some defect that makes me completely unworthy of being important to even just one person on the face of this earth, so littered with human beings that shouldn't even be allowed to utilize oxygen (like Jerry Springer guests, and Fred Phelps). What am I missing that makes me so "un-special" to people that I've loved with my whole heart? I am the world's easiest person to walk away from without a second thought. I have literally begged God in prayer to cure me of this defect that everyone can see except for me. Fat lot of good my genius IQ has done me, I can't figure this one out!
Is just cutting the ties with those people a healthy thing to do, or a judgmental thing to do? I don't want to be a hypocrite. But this rejection thing is getting pretty fucking old.
Going "home" again makes one face some hard truths. So here I sit in Icky-ta. Deodorant failing from the humidity, car plastered with hideous bugs the size of small rodents. And me realizing that I so suck.
At the top of this very page I say that I "flip the bird to the judgmental." Well Mary, give yourself one big flipoff because you my dear, are judgmental.
Not in the way I used to be in my early 20's. Back then, I saw everything as either right or wrong. But after a nightmare of a husband, I learned a hard lesson of what it's like to be thrust in someone else's moccasins and forced to walk a few miles. There is always another side to every story. Even in the most flawed belief systems, there is some truth hidden SOMEWHERE that allowed those beliefs to grow and take hold in someone's mind. If you're judgmental, you don't listen to other people. That is dangerous. It keeps you from growing as a person.
However, back when I was more judgmental when it came to moral absolutes, I was absolutely way too open minded when it came to the way I would allow others to treat me. No judgment there! You shit on me, that's OK. Must be my fault somehow. Why don't I keep you in my life and allow you to repeat the shitting, while I figure out just why it's my fault.
14 years later, and I've done a 180 turnaround 'tude wise. I'm rarely judgmental when it comes to what others believe, as long as they're not judging ME for having different beliefs. In fact, I've been known to totally change my mind after listening to someone else's opinion.
But I'm quickly becoming alarmingly intolerant of how other people treat me. My fingers are perpetually on the "ctrl-D" keys, just waiting for an excuse for me to delete you from my life. Go ahead, make my day.
Why such a defensive stance? I have only myself to blame. I'm like a person that allowed herself to be sunburned over and over. But instead of saying, "Hey, how about some caution? A hat? A little sunscreen?" I respond like a spoiled child, "Fine! Sunburns, I'll show you! I'll go live in a cave and never go out in the sun again!"
Yesterday, I'm sitting in the park with my ex-boyfriend that I hadn't seen in almost a year. I had missed him like crazy and never did get over him. He got over me pretty well, didn't even notice I moved out of state. We started talking again last May after 7 months of silence.
Yesterday, he was able to spare a whole 30 minutes to see me when I was back in town. He did not look me in the eye ONCE. He didn't hug me hello or goodbye, didn't say he was glad to see me, didn't ask anything about me or my life since I moved. I just sat there thinking, "What the hell am I doing here?" So tempted to hit "ctrl-D" and just never talk to him again. Because I'm being judgmental. I've decided in my mind that I love a person, and if that person doesn't love me back in the way I want, doesn't consider me as important as I consider them, then I should just cut them out of my life. Perform the mastectomy at the first hint of a tumor, screw the biopsy.
I suppose I shouldn't be writing this, because he has my website. But he hasn't gotten around to reading any email that I've sent him, or coming to this site once, so I have a feeling I shouldn't be worried. He told me once when we were dating, "You know Mary, you have to just realize that NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK!" I keep telling myself that, but then I make the mistake of exposing myself over and over again, wanting someone to know me. I suppose I should just learn to smile and shut up, but I never do.
I am the Eddie Haskell in the sitcom of life. Not important enough to play a major role. I'm just supposed to wait backstage, and when a punchline is needed, come in on cue and deliver it, then make a convenient exit. People are annoyed and uninterested if I try to develop my character. I've been cast in one role, and should stay in my place.
I suppose I should just be thankful for the part. But instead I'm resentful and judgmental. I'm not comfortable with the rejection. Being "good enough" for a minor role should be good enough for me, but it's not. I want to hit "ctrl-d".
It HAS to be my fault that I'm nothing more to people, but for the life of me I can't figure it out. I mean, I recognize that I'm a pain in the ass. But everyone is at some point or another. What is my fatal flaw? I must have some defect that makes me completely unworthy of being important to even just one person on the face of this earth, so littered with human beings that shouldn't even be allowed to utilize oxygen (like Jerry Springer guests, and Fred Phelps). What am I missing that makes me so "un-special" to people that I've loved with my whole heart? I am the world's easiest person to walk away from without a second thought. I have literally begged God in prayer to cure me of this defect that everyone can see except for me. Fat lot of good my genius IQ has done me, I can't figure this one out!
Is just cutting the ties with those people a healthy thing to do, or a judgmental thing to do? I don't want to be a hypocrite. But this rejection thing is getting pretty fucking old.
Thursday, August 29, 2002
I'd like to say congratulations to my friend Kerry, who had a new baby girl just after midnight this morning. Nicole Mary is about 6# 8oz, and mom and dad, brother, sister, and new baby are doing well. Nicole is a few weeks early, and it gyped me out of being able to either be there for her birth, or take care of her brother and sister during the birth. But I forgive her! Apparently, my friend Kerry needs a little re-education on what "Labor Day Weekend" really means. :-)
Just a quick update while I'm on my "lunch break". I've got an hour long meeting, then it's off to Icky-ta, Kansas. Can't wait to see my Harleydog again! And my nephews are going to be down from Kansas City. YAY!
Pretty funny today, I brought Bungee in to work with me, because I didn't want to leave him home for 5 days. McGwire will be fine, she's more independent, but Bungee is a momma's bunny. So, since I live clear on the other side of Denver, to go home after work and pick Bungee up, then head out, would have added almost 2 hours to my trip (which will already be about eight hours long). So, I put Bungee in a cat carrier, covered it with a cover made out of an old sheet, and snuck into work early today and plunked him down in the file room. A few of my coworkers from my team have snuck in and met him. He's pretty shy with new people.
Now the question is, how do I sneak him out? HEE!
Hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend! I will try to update from my parents house inIckyta Wichita, but they have *GASP* DIAL-UP connection, so I don't know how that will go.
Pretty funny today, I brought Bungee in to work with me, because I didn't want to leave him home for 5 days. McGwire will be fine, she's more independent, but Bungee is a momma's bunny. So, since I live clear on the other side of Denver, to go home after work and pick Bungee up, then head out, would have added almost 2 hours to my trip (which will already be about eight hours long). So, I put Bungee in a cat carrier, covered it with a cover made out of an old sheet, and snuck into work early today and plunked him down in the file room. A few of my coworkers from my team have snuck in and met him. He's pretty shy with new people.
Now the question is, how do I sneak him out? HEE!
Hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend! I will try to update from my parents house in
GIVEN TO THEM BY SPACE ALIENS!
Elvis Not Dead! Working for the Government
to Save the World from Prairie Dog Evildoers!
A secret source inside the US government, speaking on the condition of anonymity and all-he-could-eat chicken wings, revealed some shocking news to this Enquirer "journalist" last night during a clandestine meeting at Hooters on Speer Boulevard. As the Republican government official finished his seventh shot of tequila, he refrained from grabbing waitresses' asses long enough to reveal to this reporter the disturbing truth about the root of the Dog Quaida evil mission.
"Space aliens are behind it, I tells ya! Either them, or my bitch of an ex-wife!" slurred the high-ranking White House insider. He went on to describe in detail what the space aliens hope to accomplish by prairie dog mind control.
Apparently, the space aliens hope to take over the American government, and then the world. They infiltrated prairie dog culture about 80 years ago, slowly changing their mindset and religion from a peace-loving Rodentslam, to an illogical, power-hungry, violent culture that mainly consists of a bunch of bastards. Soon, the male prairie dogs oppressed the female prairie dogs by making them stay in their burrows. Once domination of the female prairie dogs occurred, the male prairie dogs were free to roam about and commit perverse sexual practices with creatures outside their species (like lawn sprinklers, and roadkill). The space aliens maintained their mind control of the entire culture by providing a false idol (see photo), that emitted a dangerous mix of radiation, testosterone, and subliminal messages (such as, "Blame the rest of the world for your fucked-up culture's problems, even though they had nothing to do with it!").
The government has had evidence of this extraterrestrial plot since the mid 1940's, but have kept it hidden from the American people to prevent widespread panic. "The American people are stupid enough to vote fat-cat crooks like us into office... their feeble minds wouldn't be able to handle this information!" revealed the secret "The American people owe Elvis a huge debt of gratitude," states the completely inebriated government insider. "Elvis, if you're reading this, the American people say, 'Thank you! Thankyouverymuch!' " As the bloated caucasian male slowly drifted out of consciousness, he said, "What we just talked about is off the record, right?" Then he passed out face-first into his french fries.
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
NEWS FLASH! PRAIRIE DOG TAIL-I-BAN EMERGE FROM THEIR UNDERGROUND LAIRS AND COMMIT ANOTHER DEMONSTRATION OF THEIR TERRORIST AGENDA!
The Denver Post
AP, Greenwood Village: Prairie Dogs Stage Pickup Truck Coup!
The employees of Micromedex have barely recovered from the last Prairie Dog Tail-i-ban terrorist attack, when news reached the shell-shocked staff today that once again, a Jihad battle is taking place in their parking lot. An innocuous email from the property manager about a pickup truck with its lights on has proven to be more sinister than first suspected. It is now known that the prairie dogs, armed with rocks and broken beer bottles, have overthrown the owner of the blue pick up truck, and now declare the vehicle under the control of their regime. They are calling upon their squirrel brethren from the neighboring park to assist them in their Holy War. It has been declared that the entire pickup truck and its surrounding territories (including the tailgate, the "This Truck Protected by Smith & Wesson" bumper sticker, and the nude lady sillhouette mud flaps,) is now their Prairie Dog Mecca (or Pecca, for short).
Geraldo Rivera, upon hearing of the successful Jihad battle, responded to the scene and is broadcasting live via satellite from behind enemy lines, all the way in handicapped parking. Geraldo is claiming he's being shot at, but this report was immediately debunked by Wolf Blitzer on CNN, who points out, "That's impossible! Prairie dogs don't have opposable thumbs! SCREW YOU, Geraldo! Where'd you get your journalism degree, K-Mart?"
A spokesperson for the Prairie Dog Tail-i-ban, Muhammad Hottadogga, states he is doing Pallah's work (Prairie Dog Allah). "We will forever fight the evil truck driving infidels that try to change our way of life! They will die a thousand deaths, and we will dance on the steaming metal corpses of their American-made vehicles! We care NOT about extended warranties! Pallah will reward us upon our deaths with the gift of having 70 virgin rabbits to 'get our freak on' with for all eternity!"
Area rent-a-cops were immediately put on the highest security alert. Despite the fact that only the prairie dog Tail-i-ban has been committing terrorist acts in the Micromedex parking lot, they say that there will be no rodent profiling when performing security checks. The head of "I-Can-Sleep-On-The-Job" Security Services and Carpet Cleaning, Chief Piggum, states that singling out only vermin for security checks would not be politically correct. "We will continue to restrict access to the lot, and examine citizens at random for possible prairie dog sympathies," stated Chief Piggum, as he snapped on a rubber glove and told a 92 year old woman to prepare to be searched. "After all, a holy war against our parking lot is no need to suddenly start paying attention to common sense. 'Prejudging for danger' is just a fancy way to say 'PREJUDICE'. Now, pass me the KY."
At press time, White House staff declined to confirm or deny rumors of reservists from "Billy Jo Bob's Rid-a-Rodent Pest Control" being called to active duty at this time.
AP, Greenwood Village: Prairie Dogs Stage Pickup Truck Coup!
The employees of Micromedex have barely recovered from the last Prairie Dog Tail-i-ban terrorist attack, when news reached the shell-shocked staff today that once again, a Jihad battle is taking place in their parking lot. An innocuous email from the property manager about a pickup truck with its lights on has proven to be more sinister than first suspected. It is now known that the prairie dogs, armed with rocks and broken beer bottles, have overthrown the owner of the blue pick up truck, and now declare the vehicle under the control of their regime. They are calling upon their squirrel brethren from the neighboring park to assist them in their Holy War. It has been declared that the entire pickup truck and its surrounding territories (including the tailgate, the "This Truck Protected by Smith & Wesson" bumper sticker, and the nude lady sillhouette mud flaps,) is now their Prairie Dog Mecca (or Pecca, for short).
Geraldo Rivera, upon hearing of the successful Jihad battle, responded to the scene and is broadcasting live via satellite from behind enemy lines, all the way in handicapped parking. Geraldo is claiming he's being shot at, but this report was immediately debunked by Wolf Blitzer on CNN, who points out, "That's impossible! Prairie dogs don't have opposable thumbs! SCREW YOU, Geraldo! Where'd you get your journalism degree, K-Mart?"
A spokesperson for the Prairie Dog Tail-i-ban, Muhammad Hottadogga, states he is doing Pallah's work (Prairie Dog Allah). "We will forever fight the evil truck driving infidels that try to change our way of life! They will die a thousand deaths, and we will dance on the steaming metal corpses of their American-made vehicles! We care NOT about extended warranties! Pallah will reward us upon our deaths with the gift of having 70 virgin rabbits to 'get our freak on' with for all eternity!"
Area rent-a-cops were immediately put on the highest security alert. Despite the fact that only the prairie dog Tail-i-ban has been committing terrorist acts in the Micromedex parking lot, they say that there will be no rodent profiling when performing security checks. The head of "I-Can-Sleep-On-The-Job" Security Services and Carpet Cleaning, Chief Piggum, states that singling out only vermin for security checks would not be politically correct. "We will continue to restrict access to the lot, and examine citizens at random for possible prairie dog sympathies," stated Chief Piggum, as he snapped on a rubber glove and told a 92 year old woman to prepare to be searched. "After all, a holy war against our parking lot is no need to suddenly start paying attention to common sense. 'Prejudging for danger' is just a fancy way to say 'PREJUDICE'. Now, pass me the KY."
At press time, White House staff declined to confirm or deny rumors of reservists from "Billy Jo Bob's Rid-a-Rodent Pest Control" being called to active duty at this time.
Having been born in Kansas City, and spending most of my formative years in Oklahoma and Kansas, I've seen plenty of rotating wall clouds. But I've never seen anything as beautiful as the cloud I saw over the Rockies as I (unsuspectingly) left work yesterday and drove home in the middle of a tornado warning. It was the most magnificent thing I think I've ever seen. It made the Rocky Mountain range look like toy mountains. Absolutely beautiful! I got a little bit of hail but no damage to the car. I pretty much drove north of the storm as it moved into the south Denver suburbs. 
Everything is prettier in Denver. Even the skies.
Tomorrow I'm off to Icky-ta (Wichita). Kansas sucks. Even when it's 70 degrees, it's so humid there you're miserable. In the summer when you open the door to go outside, you don't know whether to be knocked over by the stifling heat, or by the sheer visceral realization of the suicidal ideation-invoking ugliness of the state!
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Get your red hot new smilies with Mary-'tude! for use on my TagBoard! Be sure to click the "open links in new windows" box.
I Demand Reparations!
It seems like those that most need government assistance fall through the cracks, while those that don't deserve it get big fat checks, courtesy of you and me. (My thank you card must have gotten lost in the mail).
Like the single mom who has LEGITIMATE health problems, but yet can't get enough assistance to avoid homelessness. Or when I'd have elderly home health patients that literally had to decide between food or their prescription medications because they couldn't afford both.
I'd leave visits like that thoroughlly pissed. It's those situations that I'd be glad to help out with my tax money! But then my next home health visit would be a 28 year old woman who was fully supported by the government because she was unable to work due to obesity. (She wasn't that obese, under 300 pounds. She certainly managed to go buy drugs and have sex with men she didn't know. In fact, she was getting laid more than I was. I guess not having a job gives you more time to socialize).
The ER would have daily examples of system abuse. Like the 20 year old man in perfect health, coming to the ER on a busy Friday night, courtesy of a $400 ambulance ride. His chief complaint was that he had a "cold" for "three weeks." Upon check-in, the first question out of his mouth (as he's whipping out his Medicaid card) is, "Jus' how long 'm I gunna hafta wait to see the doctor?" I asked him if he had tried anything over the counter for his nasal congestion, and he said, "Nope, my Medicaid card only covers prescriptions, so I need a prescription." That's right folks, he spent over $600 of taxpayer money so he didn't have to spend $4 from his welfare check for over-the-counter Dimetapp. He later got pissed off that the ambulance wouldn't stop running emergency calls on a Friday night to give him a ride back home!
Where is my government handout for my disability? Where's my subsidized housing? You see, I am more disabled than either of the two above examples. I was born, tragically, without any... motor skills!
That is right. I've tried to function in society. However, people tend to treat "coordination challenged" people like me as outcasts.
What people don't realize is that I'm a VICTIM! Oppressed by a society that discriminates against the clumsy! (Left-handers, back me up here...). Unable to participate in social activities with my peer group because my dancing appears to be some kind of neurological fit which prompts bartenders to call 9-1-1. Unable to walk down the sidewalk without tripping over the crack in the cement that's raised a microscopic 1/800th of an inch above the rest of the surface.
Just last night I fell off a curb that I was stepping off of at the time! How I managed that Olympic-caliber acrobatic feat I'll never know. Now today I'm limping around and feeling sorry for myself. Hurt foot, ankle, knee and hip. Where's my check?
After all, I am giving something back to society. From this day on, I vow not to try to walk and chew gum at the same time. Countless lives will undoubtedly be saved.
It seems like those that most need government assistance fall through the cracks, while those that don't deserve it get big fat checks, courtesy of you and me. (My thank you card must have gotten lost in the mail).
Like the single mom who has LEGITIMATE health problems, but yet can't get enough assistance to avoid homelessness. Or when I'd have elderly home health patients that literally had to decide between food or their prescription medications because they couldn't afford both.
I'd leave visits like that thoroughlly pissed. It's those situations that I'd be glad to help out with my tax money! But then my next home health visit would be a 28 year old woman who was fully supported by the government because she was unable to work due to obesity. (She wasn't that obese, under 300 pounds. She certainly managed to go buy drugs and have sex with men she didn't know. In fact, she was getting laid more than I was. I guess not having a job gives you more time to socialize).
The ER would have daily examples of system abuse. Like the 20 year old man in perfect health, coming to the ER on a busy Friday night, courtesy of a $400 ambulance ride. His chief complaint was that he had a "cold" for "three weeks." Upon check-in, the first question out of his mouth (as he's whipping out his Medicaid card) is, "Jus' how long 'm I gunna hafta wait to see the doctor?" I asked him if he had tried anything over the counter for his nasal congestion, and he said, "Nope, my Medicaid card only covers prescriptions, so I need a prescription." That's right folks, he spent over $600 of taxpayer money so he didn't have to spend $4 from his welfare check for over-the-counter Dimetapp. He later got pissed off that the ambulance wouldn't stop running emergency calls on a Friday night to give him a ride back home!
Where is my government handout for my disability? Where's my subsidized housing? You see, I am more disabled than either of the two above examples. I was born, tragically, without any... motor skills!
That is right. I've tried to function in society. However, people tend to treat "coordination challenged" people like me as outcasts.
What people don't realize is that I'm a VICTIM! Oppressed by a society that discriminates against the clumsy! (Left-handers, back me up here...). Unable to participate in social activities with my peer group because my dancing appears to be some kind of neurological fit which prompts bartenders to call 9-1-1. Unable to walk down the sidewalk without tripping over the crack in the cement that's raised a microscopic 1/800th of an inch above the rest of the surface.
Just last night I fell off a curb that I was stepping off of at the time! How I managed that Olympic-caliber acrobatic feat I'll never know. Now today I'm limping around and feeling sorry for myself. Hurt foot, ankle, knee and hip. Where's my check?
After all, I am giving something back to society. From this day on, I vow not to try to walk and chew gum at the same time. Countless lives will undoubtedly be saved.
Monday, August 26, 2002
New hella-cool blog I've just discovered: InfinitePink. I especially liked this quote from the author, Christine:
"It seemed silly to me to categorize people as "family" or "friends"... once you are in my heart, those distinctions don't exist any longer. You are just one of my tribe."
"It seemed silly to me to categorize people as "family" or "friends"... once you are in my heart, those distinctions don't exist any longer. You are just one of my tribe."
Have you ever read something, and FELT EVERY WORD of what the author was saying? This entry by Macker elicited such a response from me. I couldn't agree more. But I have to say, he is ahead in the game; he has a spouse and kids. I have rabbits and a student loan! :-)
After you read his article, you can come back here. This is what I posted in response to what Macker wrote:
I totally understand where you're coming from, even if our hopes for the future were born of very differing pasts.
I was adopted as an infant, no bigge. The bad part was that my parents thought they couldn't have kids. But after I was adopted, they had 2 of their own. Again, for some people, no bigge. But for my parents, it was a bigge.
See, my parents didn't adopt with an open heart. They settled for second best; a child not of their heritage, thus somehow defective. When fruit did spring from their very own loins, it created a conflict. However adoption, unlike Wal Mart after Christmas, does not take returns "no questions asked". They were stuck with me.
Insult was added to injury when I was smarter and outperformed their biological children.
Kids are smarter than you think. I knew what real love was, because my grandparents on my mother's side truly loved me. But they died in 1978 (six days apart). Family ended for me, in the 4th grade. I was left, trapped in a house that resented me being there.
The sense of community, of family, is something I have dreamed of since I can remember. Family doesn't mean being surrounded by DNA that you have passed on. Family is community, friends, loved ones. I have spent my whole life searching for that feeling. Working 2 jobs to try and get the car, the house, the clothes, so I could be "worthy" of a family of my own. The fact that it hasn't come to fruition can only be attributed to a fault of my own, but I have yet to get a grasp on where my fault lies.
In this world of commuting and frequent relocation, it is becoming increasingly difficult to know your neighbors. Divorce is commonplace; families split many times over, and the sense of family and belonging is fragmented.
Is it no wonder that we, as a society, long for something more?
After you read his article, you can come back here. This is what I posted in response to what Macker wrote:
I totally understand where you're coming from, even if our hopes for the future were born of very differing pasts.
I was adopted as an infant, no bigge. The bad part was that my parents thought they couldn't have kids. But after I was adopted, they had 2 of their own. Again, for some people, no bigge. But for my parents, it was a bigge.
See, my parents didn't adopt with an open heart. They settled for second best; a child not of their heritage, thus somehow defective. When fruit did spring from their very own loins, it created a conflict. However adoption, unlike Wal Mart after Christmas, does not take returns "no questions asked". They were stuck with me.
Insult was added to injury when I was smarter and outperformed their biological children.
Kids are smarter than you think. I knew what real love was, because my grandparents on my mother's side truly loved me. But they died in 1978 (six days apart). Family ended for me, in the 4th grade. I was left, trapped in a house that resented me being there.
The sense of community, of family, is something I have dreamed of since I can remember. Family doesn't mean being surrounded by DNA that you have passed on. Family is community, friends, loved ones. I have spent my whole life searching for that feeling. Working 2 jobs to try and get the car, the house, the clothes, so I could be "worthy" of a family of my own. The fact that it hasn't come to fruition can only be attributed to a fault of my own, but I have yet to get a grasp on where my fault lies.
In this world of commuting and frequent relocation, it is becoming increasingly difficult to know your neighbors. Divorce is commonplace; families split many times over, and the sense of family and belonging is fragmented.
Is it no wonder that we, as a society, long for something more?
Prairie Dogs of the Taliban: The Herbivore Jihad
Some excitement at work today. About 15 minutes ago the building shook from an explosion. Apparently, some kind of truck exploded about 2 lots down from ours. In between our property and the "lot of a thousand fireballs" is my favorite part of my daily walk; the prairie dog field.
Those damn prairie dogs are soooo CUTE! Every walk I start out by their field, and I end my walks by their field. Really keeps me going when I'm hot or tired. They let you come right up to them before sounding their Prairiedog Danger Siren and disappearing down their holes. They have the cutest tails, and are so playful. Hilarious to watch.
When my co-worker tried to speculate on what would make a parked truck explode with such force, I told her it was probably the prairie dogs. There have been trucks coming into their field lately, and I had been concerned about plans for development of the property that may render my beloved prairie dogs homeless. Maybe one of them got a hold of a book of matches, and decided to launch his own Herbivore Jihad.
Go prairie dogs, go!
Some excitement at work today. About 15 minutes ago the building shook from an explosion. Apparently, some kind of truck exploded about 2 lots down from ours. In between our property and the "lot of a thousand fireballs" is my favorite part of my daily walk; the prairie dog field.
Those damn prairie dogs are soooo CUTE! Every walk I start out by their field, and I end my walks by their field. Really keeps me going when I'm hot or tired. They let you come right up to them before sounding their Prairiedog Danger Siren and disappearing down their holes. They have the cutest tails, and are so playful. Hilarious to watch.
When my co-worker tried to speculate on what would make a parked truck explode with such force, I told her it was probably the prairie dogs. There have been trucks coming into their field lately, and I had been concerned about plans for development of the property that may render my beloved prairie dogs homeless. Maybe one of them got a hold of a book of matches, and decided to launch his own Herbivore Jihad.
Go prairie dogs, go!
Sometimes, Chain Emails are Actually FUNNY!
This was my favorite thing in my inbox this morning. Thanks, Jim!
Since September 11, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest tragedy yet.
Hundreds of Major League Baseball players in our very own nation are living at, just below, or in most cases far above the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming strike situation. But you can help!
For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help a MLB player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!
Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a baseball player it could mean the difference between spending the strike golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, a mortgage payment, or 6 months of medical insurance, but to a baseball player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.
Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the strike on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
If we can get him to pause for a moment while on the way to cash his check, your MLB player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses. He will undoubtedly be grateful to know that someone else also believes that baseball players deserve to make more in a year than most college graduates make in 25 years. And if you were famous and/or athletically gifted, he may even take the time to thank you. Oh, you're not? Well, you'll be thanked in the form of a personal autograph in the "endorsement" section on the back of the check you send him every month!
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a striking MLB player. My preference is
checked below:
[ ] Infielder
[ ] Outfielder
[ ] Starting Pitcher
[ ] Ace Pitcher
[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher cost: $60,000 per day)
We will charge your account $694.50 per day for the player for the duration of the strike. For a small extra fee, we will enclose a picture of the player you have sponsored (cut out of the sports section of the newspaper), along with an Alex Rodriguez 2001 Income Statement, and your very own Donald Fehr MLB Players Union pin to wear proudly on your baseball hat (include $80 for hat).
This was my favorite thing in my inbox this morning. Thanks, Jim!
Since September 11, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest tragedy yet.
Hundreds of Major League Baseball players in our very own nation are living at, just below, or in most cases far above the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren't bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming strike situation. But you can help!
For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help a MLB player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it's a start, and every little bit will help!
Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a baseball player it could mean the difference between spending the strike golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month's rent, a mortgage payment, or 6 months of medical insurance, but to a baseball player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.
Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the strike on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
If we can get him to pause for a moment while on the way to cash his check, your MLB player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won't know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses. He will undoubtedly be grateful to know that someone else also believes that baseball players deserve to make more in a year than most college graduates make in 25 years. And if you were famous and/or athletically gifted, he may even take the time to thank you. Oh, you're not? Well, you'll be thanked in the form of a personal autograph in the "endorsement" section on the back of the check you send him every month!
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a striking MLB player. My preference is
checked below:
[ ] Infielder
[ ] Outfielder
[ ] Starting Pitcher
[ ] Ace Pitcher
[ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a
specific team - $10 per minute)
[ ] Alex Rodriguez (Higher cost: $60,000 per day)
We will charge your account $694.50 per day for the player for the duration of the strike. For a small extra fee, we will enclose a picture of the player you have sponsored (cut out of the sports section of the newspaper), along with an Alex Rodriguez 2001 Income Statement, and your very own Donald Fehr MLB Players Union pin to wear proudly on your baseball hat (include $80 for hat).
Speaking of Being Judged...
Twice in the past 24 hours the word "weird" has been used to describe my site. Here's one example:
A reader of my Nursing/EMS page wrote:
"Interesting site... I was at times humored... other times just weirded out..."
My response:
Aaah, then my work here is done :-)
Everything on my site is either meant to be funny, or to make fun of something. Everything. Even the intro graphic to the story about my wifebeater husband pokes fun at domestic violence. The guy is strangling the girl, and he is saying, "This will teach you to buy generic beer!" and the girl is saying, "But dude, it was on sale!"
One time I was joking about domestic violence, and a sanctimonious (something else I've been called this week, can you believe it?)... no really, this other girl was sanctimonious.. she self-righteously told me I shouldn't joke about such things. I said, "Listen honey, there are three things that I know I am: 1)I'm Catholic, 2)I'm adopted, and 3)I am a domestic violence and date rape survivor. I CAN and WILL joke about any of these topics. I have all the right in the world. Bite me."
Humor is the best defense mechanism we have. To judge someone for having their own sense of humor, is like judging a starving person when you finally give them some food and they have no table manners.
Twice in the past 24 hours the word "weird" has been used to describe my site. Here's one example:
A reader of my Nursing/EMS page wrote:
"Interesting site... I was at times humored... other times just weirded out..."
My response:
Aaah, then my work here is done :-)
Everything on my site is either meant to be funny, or to make fun of something. Everything. Even the intro graphic to the story about my wifebeater husband pokes fun at domestic violence. The guy is strangling the girl, and he is saying, "This will teach you to buy generic beer!" and the girl is saying, "But dude, it was on sale!"
One time I was joking about domestic violence, and a sanctimonious (something else I've been called this week, can you believe it?)... no really, this other girl was sanctimonious.. she self-righteously told me I shouldn't joke about such things. I said, "Listen honey, there are three things that I know I am: 1)I'm Catholic, 2)I'm adopted, and 3)I am a domestic violence and date rape survivor. I CAN and WILL joke about any of these topics. I have all the right in the world. Bite me."
Humor is the best defense mechanism we have. To judge someone for having their own sense of humor, is like judging a starving person when you finally give them some food and they have no table manners.
Sunday, August 25, 2002
I think the most valuable lesson I'm still trying to learn, is when to cut my losses and walk away. My instinct is to hang tenaciously onto anyone and anything that has crossed my path and evolked some semblance of the "love" emotion. (OK, say it all together now: "Abandonment issues!" Yep. You're probably right).
I envy those who can walk away without a second glance. Throw away other humans like they're so much carbon-based Kleenex. Seems the whole world has that mastered, except for me.
Maybe if others had MY personality, and I had to endure myself, I'd find others much easier to leave behind :-)
But I'm learning.
I envy those who can walk away without a second glance. Throw away other humans like they're so much carbon-based Kleenex. Seems the whole world has that mastered, except for me.
Maybe if others had MY personality, and I had to endure myself, I'd find others much easier to leave behind :-)
But I'm learning.
Friday, August 23, 2002
Steve brought up a very interesting topic:
"On Fox News tonight, John Kasich interviewed Yvonne Scruggs-Leftwich. Pizza Hut and Dominos in a certain area outside of St. Petersburg, Florida did not deliver to certain neighborhoods where attacks and robberies on drivers had taken place. These were predominantly poor black neighborhoods. Dr. Scruggs-Leftwich's position was that pizza delivery franchises deciding not to deliver to high risk neighborhoods -that happen to be black- is racism, pure and simple."
Now, it's not like me to have an opinion.... MY ASS! (That was for Buzz and Rilla)
Here's my reply (OK, here's what I shold have said; I said most of it):
These "armchair quarterbacks" that tell people what is right and wrong makes me sick! Same thing happens with the cops; everyone bitches about the job they do. Well, if YOU think it's so easy, YOU get off your ass and do it! Get shot at a few times, we'll see how your attitude is.
I say let Yvonne Scruggs-Leftwich right this horrible wrong of discrimination by slapping a Dominoes sign on the top of her Lexus and let HER deliver the damn pizzas. She gets pistol whipped once, and she'll say, "Oh, I guess it's not because of race. I guess it's more NOT WANTING TO DIE OVER A PIZZA."
It's not like the Dominoes is refusing service to these people. They should get in their motherfucking welfare-paid-for Cadillacs and get off their ass, leave their pirated cable TV shows for 3 nanoseconds, and go to Dominoes and pick up their pizza! It's not like it's gonna make the gangbangers late for work!
But that's just what I think; I could be a bitch with anger issues.
"On Fox News tonight, John Kasich interviewed Yvonne Scruggs-Leftwich. Pizza Hut and Dominos in a certain area outside of St. Petersburg, Florida did not deliver to certain neighborhoods where attacks and robberies on drivers had taken place. These were predominantly poor black neighborhoods. Dr. Scruggs-Leftwich's position was that pizza delivery franchises deciding not to deliver to high risk neighborhoods -that happen to be black- is racism, pure and simple."
Now, it's not like me to have an opinion.... MY ASS! (That was for Buzz and Rilla)
Here's my reply (OK, here's what I shold have said; I said most of it):
These "armchair quarterbacks" that tell people what is right and wrong makes me sick! Same thing happens with the cops; everyone bitches about the job they do. Well, if YOU think it's so easy, YOU get off your ass and do it! Get shot at a few times, we'll see how your attitude is.
I say let Yvonne Scruggs-Leftwich right this horrible wrong of discrimination by slapping a Dominoes sign on the top of her Lexus and let HER deliver the damn pizzas. She gets pistol whipped once, and she'll say, "Oh, I guess it's not because of race. I guess it's more NOT WANTING TO DIE OVER A PIZZA."
It's not like the Dominoes is refusing service to these people. They should get in their motherfucking welfare-paid-for Cadillacs and get off their ass, leave their pirated cable TV shows for 3 nanoseconds, and go to Dominoes and pick up their pizza! It's not like it's gonna make the gangbangers late for work!
But that's just what I think; I could be a bitch with anger issues.
The Allure of Online Friendships
The internet is such a gift! Non-"netties" don't understand why I talk to people online that I've never met in real life. The net just makes the world smaller, and all you need is a google search and some surf time to find some simpatico souls.
My newest online buds, Marcus, Macker, and Emdot (Marya), are people who I consider simpatico. I usually agree with most of what they say, have the same bizarre sense of humor, etc. It is such a nice reality check. Also, I've gotten to know many at Ask Calli and Lemmings that I know so well, I'd be totally comfortable meeting them in real life (and in fact, have). If you had asked me years ago if I thought online friendships were possible, I'd have said, "No, they aren't real." I'm a believer now.
Because in my daily life, as I'm sure most people experience, it is rare to run across those that share your views, your intellectual style, your sense of humor. We have to be guarded with those we see on a daily basis. This is unfortunate, because I think what every human being craves more than anything else is to be known. It's a stronger primal urge than reproducing, or say, buying SUV's. It's in our DNA to be known by somebody, and accepted for who you are. The alternative is loneliness.
I'm so thankful that I have blogs to read that are written by people who think like me. Sometimes I wonder, "Am I surrounded by idiots? Has the whole world gone mad?" Not the whole world, darling. Click on a blog link to the left, see what I mean. Intelligence has NOT been bred out of the human race, despite the daily evidence that it has.
So, if you ever accidentally O.D. on Judge Judy or the Jerry Springer Show, get online and read some of these blogs. It's the antidote to the "white trash revolution" that seems to be dominating the press and TV shows. It is water for the soul that thirsts for signs of intelligent life.
Thank you, online buds! Thanks for being my validation, that it's OK to have the opinions that I do. Thank you for sharing your humor, and your life. I am truly richer for having known your font.
The internet is such a gift! Non-"netties" don't understand why I talk to people online that I've never met in real life. The net just makes the world smaller, and all you need is a google search and some surf time to find some simpatico souls.
My newest online buds, Marcus, Macker, and Emdot (Marya), are people who I consider simpatico. I usually agree with most of what they say, have the same bizarre sense of humor, etc. It is such a nice reality check. Also, I've gotten to know many at Ask Calli and Lemmings that I know so well, I'd be totally comfortable meeting them in real life (and in fact, have). If you had asked me years ago if I thought online friendships were possible, I'd have said, "No, they aren't real." I'm a believer now.
Because in my daily life, as I'm sure most people experience, it is rare to run across those that share your views, your intellectual style, your sense of humor. We have to be guarded with those we see on a daily basis. This is unfortunate, because I think what every human being craves more than anything else is to be known. It's a stronger primal urge than reproducing, or say, buying SUV's. It's in our DNA to be known by somebody, and accepted for who you are. The alternative is loneliness.
I'm so thankful that I have blogs to read that are written by people who think like me. Sometimes I wonder, "Am I surrounded by idiots? Has the whole world gone mad?" Not the whole world, darling. Click on a blog link to the left, see what I mean. Intelligence has NOT been bred out of the human race, despite the daily evidence that it has.
So, if you ever accidentally O.D. on Judge Judy or the Jerry Springer Show, get online and read some of these blogs. It's the antidote to the "white trash revolution" that seems to be dominating the press and TV shows. It is water for the soul that thirsts for signs of intelligent life.
Thank you, online buds! Thanks for being my validation, that it's OK to have the opinions that I do. Thank you for sharing your humor, and your life. I am truly richer for having known your font.
Saturday, August 17, 2002
You know I usually don't post links in my blog, but this Baptist site that tells everyone why they're going to hell is HILARIOUS. It's supposed to be; it's a spoof site. Though it is very difficult to tell, since that is how most Baptists I ever met act, talk, and believe. When you have some free time, go check it out. Brilliant!
From surfing the web lately, seems like "liberal" has become synonymous with "stupid fucktard that is responsible for all that is evil in the world." I go to Christian/Republican blogs, and it's "if the liberals would stop whining..." "if it wasn't for the liberals...". I called one of em on it, and he turned it around and told me I was being sensitive and should take it easy. I understand: everything YOU say is so 100% correct that if someone disagrees, they have emotional problems. How convenient.
Also, on other sites "liberal" and "hippie" are used interchangably. Atheist sites also blame everything on the "liberals."
I call myself a liberal. But that is not saying I blindly follow any kind of moral or political dogma. I think liberal is synonymous with being compassionate, open-minded, and not making decisions about what is right and wrong for everyone around you, based on your own self-interest.
Since I'm ranting about the medical profession, I thought I'd put a copy of this here. It is also on my nursing/EMS page.
THE "RN VS. PARAMEDIC" CULTURE
I became an EMT in 1990, and an MICT (paramedic) in 1991. I was not a very good one; I lacked experience and confidence. After getting my BSN and working a year in an intensive care unit, I knew that I would have been a much better medic with that experience (and the confidence that accompanied it). Conversely, nursing school was a BREEZE because I already went through MICT school. Nursing school did not prepare its graduates for emergent situations, real-life, or trauma.
I grew sick of the RN's trashing paramedics, and vice versa. Why the controversy? An RN would never make it working EMS, without further training or mentorship. Paramedics also would need some further training before they could fill an RN's shoes (but not quite as much).
One thing that going through both cirricula taught me is this: if you meet a stupid medic, it's their fault. They were presented with the training and knowledge and for some reason still don't "get it." However, if you meet a sharp RN, it is to their credit. They were presented with mostly theory in school, so any practical knowledge is gleaned through self-study and mentorship. Both professions compliment each other, and deserve our respect.
Pictured is the MICT patch I earned in 1991. In 2000, I let my MICT certification drop. It was difficult; I worked harder for that patch than anything else in my life, before or since. But it wasn't doing me any good. Which in itself is so sad. In both Kansas and Colorado, when applying for jobs, the medical community would not give me "credit" for my years of experience in EMS. They said it "didn't count." That perhaps is the most offensive line of thinking I've ever encountered. One of the many reasons I no longer work as an RN. There will be a huge RN shortage, and the medical community had better start giving paramedics the respect the profession deserves, or it is their own funeral.
I became an EMT in 1990, and an MICT (paramedic) in 1991. I was not a very good one; I lacked experience and confidence. After getting my BSN and working a year in an intensive care unit, I knew that I would have been a much better medic with that experience (and the confidence that accompanied it). Conversely, nursing school was a BREEZE because I already went through MICT school. Nursing school did not prepare its graduates for emergent situations, real-life, or trauma.
I grew sick of the RN's trashing paramedics, and vice versa. Why the controversy? An RN would never make it working EMS, without further training or mentorship. Paramedics also would need some further training before they could fill an RN's shoes (but not quite as much).
One thing that going through both cirricula taught me is this: if you meet a stupid medic, it's their fault. They were presented with the training and knowledge and for some reason still don't "get it." However, if you meet a sharp RN, it is to their credit. They were presented with mostly theory in school, so any practical knowledge is gleaned through self-study and mentorship. Both professions compliment each other, and deserve our respect.
Pictured is the MICT patch I earned in 1991. In 2000, I let my MICT certification drop. It was difficult; I worked harder for that patch than anything else in my life, before or since. But it wasn't doing me any good. Which in itself is so sad. In both Kansas and Colorado, when applying for jobs, the medical community would not give me "credit" for my years of experience in EMS. They said it "didn't count." That perhaps is the most offensive line of thinking I've ever encountered. One of the many reasons I no longer work as an RN. There will be a huge RN shortage, and the medical community had better start giving paramedics the respect the profession deserves, or it is their own funeral.
Friday, August 16, 2002
Please take the time to read this article:
______________________________________________________
HOSPITAL WORKERS AT HIGH RISK FOR VIOLENT ATTACKS
A new publication from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's
National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH) paints a
disturbing picture of the risk of violent attack faced by hospital
employees. In fact, says the publication, "Violence: Occupational Hazards
in Hospitals," recent data indicate that hospital workers are at high risk
for experiencing violence in the workplace.
"According to estimates of the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), 2,637
nonfatal assaults on hospital workers occurred in 1999--a rate of 8.3
assaults per 10,000 workers. This rate is much higher than the rate of
nonfatal assaults for all private-sector industries, which is two per
10,000 workers," claims NIOSH.
Examples of violence can be placed in three major categories:
- Threats: Expressions of intent to cause harm, including verbal threats,
threatening body language, and written threats.
- Physical assaults: Attacks ranging from slapping and beating to rape,
homicide, and the use of weapons such as firearms, bombs, or knives.
- Muggings: Aggravated assaults, usually conducted by surprise and with
intent to rob.
Although anyone who works in a hospital can become a victim of violence,
nurses and aides who have the most direct contact with patients are at
higher risk. Others at increased risk are emergency response personnel,
hospital safety officers and all health care providers. Violence occurs
most frequently in psychiatric wards, emergency rooms, waiting rooms and
geriatric units.
Violence is a significant issue for occupational health professionals,
says NIOSH, not just because of the physical injuries that can occur.
"Violence may also have negative organizational outcomes such as low
worker morale, increased job stress, increased worker turnover, reduced
trust of management and co-workers, and a hostile working environment,"
the NIOSH publication states.
________________________________________________________
In the town where I worked, a nurse was treating a patient who suddenly punched her in the face. Purely on instinct, she slapped him back. She was fired.
The last hospital where I worked, a disgruntled fired employee threatened to come back and "blow this place up." He had often bragged about his expertise in making explosives, and had a history of mental health problems. The hospital owners REFUSED to let us report the threat to the authorities. In fact, WE were threatened with disciplinary action if we reported it.
When I worked in ER, the security staff would refuse to stay in the ER with a violent patient, because security was "too busy" and it was "our job" to control the patients. (I worked night shift).
Many hospitals across the country have disarmed their security staff. Other hospitals are opting to hire "rent a cops" who barely get paid $9/hr and are not trained to handle psychotic patients. Some hospitals are contemplating no security at all!
If you are a nurse, MAKE YOUR HOSPITAL ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE QUALITY OF THE SECURITY STAFF. Insist that at least one officer per shift is allowed to carry a weapon.
And they wonder why there's a nursing shortage!
______________________________________________________
HOSPITAL WORKERS AT HIGH RISK FOR VIOLENT ATTACKS
A new publication from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's
National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH) paints a
disturbing picture of the risk of violent attack faced by hospital
employees. In fact, says the publication, "Violence: Occupational Hazards
in Hospitals," recent data indicate that hospital workers are at high risk
for experiencing violence in the workplace.
"According to estimates of the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), 2,637
nonfatal assaults on hospital workers occurred in 1999--a rate of 8.3
assaults per 10,000 workers. This rate is much higher than the rate of
nonfatal assaults for all private-sector industries, which is two per
10,000 workers," claims NIOSH.
Examples of violence can be placed in three major categories:
- Threats: Expressions of intent to cause harm, including verbal threats,
threatening body language, and written threats.
- Physical assaults: Attacks ranging from slapping and beating to rape,
homicide, and the use of weapons such as firearms, bombs, or knives.
- Muggings: Aggravated assaults, usually conducted by surprise and with
intent to rob.
Although anyone who works in a hospital can become a victim of violence,
nurses and aides who have the most direct contact with patients are at
higher risk. Others at increased risk are emergency response personnel,
hospital safety officers and all health care providers. Violence occurs
most frequently in psychiatric wards, emergency rooms, waiting rooms and
geriatric units.
Violence is a significant issue for occupational health professionals,
says NIOSH, not just because of the physical injuries that can occur.
"Violence may also have negative organizational outcomes such as low
worker morale, increased job stress, increased worker turnover, reduced
trust of management and co-workers, and a hostile working environment,"
the NIOSH publication states.
________________________________________________________
In the town where I worked, a nurse was treating a patient who suddenly punched her in the face. Purely on instinct, she slapped him back. She was fired.
The last hospital where I worked, a disgruntled fired employee threatened to come back and "blow this place up." He had often bragged about his expertise in making explosives, and had a history of mental health problems. The hospital owners REFUSED to let us report the threat to the authorities. In fact, WE were threatened with disciplinary action if we reported it.
When I worked in ER, the security staff would refuse to stay in the ER with a violent patient, because security was "too busy" and it was "our job" to control the patients. (I worked night shift).
Many hospitals across the country have disarmed their security staff. Other hospitals are opting to hire "rent a cops" who barely get paid $9/hr and are not trained to handle psychotic patients. Some hospitals are contemplating no security at all!
If you are a nurse, MAKE YOUR HOSPITAL ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE QUALITY OF THE SECURITY STAFF. Insist that at least one officer per shift is allowed to carry a weapon.
And they wonder why there's a nursing shortage!
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
Read this brilliant post by Marya at Emdot.
Religion is indeed a tool to help us become more spiritually one with God. Everything else is just semantics.
I too used to fear for the souls of people who were not Christian. I no longer attribute human characteristics to God. How arrogant of me to have ever done so!
We don't have an "I told you so" God. We don't have a vengeful and judgmental God. He knows what is in our hearts. He sees that, even if we get things wrong, we were still seeking Truth, seeking a closer relationship to Him/Her.
And there is a time for turning the other cheek, and a time for righteous anger and action. Even Jesus got mad and threw temper tantrums. (The money handlers in the temple...). You ARE allowed to stick up for yourself. Macker thought he was less of a Christian for sticking up for himself. Bull crap! Being a Christian does not mean you tattoo "Welcome" across your forehead, and lay down to be the world's doormat.
And being Christain does not mean you are RIGHT! I consider myself a Christain, but I can admit I may be totally wrong. If I am, God WILL forgive me. I will NOT be damned to hell, because I had the intentions of believing in what I sincerely thought was God's truth.
As Sylvia Browne says, when it comes to religion, take what is useful and LEAVE THE REST. We all have to think for ourselves. To follow like a lemming because we think a particular dogma will win us a seat in heaven is, in itself, a sin. We have minds to think, minds to question.
Our whole mission on earth as people is to overcome our selfish instincts and love and respect others.
Religion is indeed a tool to help us become more spiritually one with God. Everything else is just semantics.
I too used to fear for the souls of people who were not Christian. I no longer attribute human characteristics to God. How arrogant of me to have ever done so!
We don't have an "I told you so" God. We don't have a vengeful and judgmental God. He knows what is in our hearts. He sees that, even if we get things wrong, we were still seeking Truth, seeking a closer relationship to Him/Her.
And there is a time for turning the other cheek, and a time for righteous anger and action. Even Jesus got mad and threw temper tantrums. (The money handlers in the temple...). You ARE allowed to stick up for yourself. Macker thought he was less of a Christian for sticking up for himself. Bull crap! Being a Christian does not mean you tattoo "Welcome" across your forehead, and lay down to be the world's doormat.
And being Christain does not mean you are RIGHT! I consider myself a Christain, but I can admit I may be totally wrong. If I am, God WILL forgive me. I will NOT be damned to hell, because I had the intentions of believing in what I sincerely thought was God's truth.
As Sylvia Browne says, when it comes to religion, take what is useful and LEAVE THE REST. We all have to think for ourselves. To follow like a lemming because we think a particular dogma will win us a seat in heaven is, in itself, a sin. We have minds to think, minds to question.
Our whole mission on earth as people is to overcome our selfish instincts and love and respect others.
Saturday, August 10, 2002
Maybe it's the Prozac talking, but I am so happy! I'm living my lifelong dream of being a writer. (Can you find my name? Hee!) Sure, what I write consists of, "Hey dumbshit, if your child is turning blue, call 9-1-1. It won't appear as an extra charge on your phone bill, I promise!"
Just kidding of course.
I write low literacy patient handouts right now. I'm actually going to be pretty good at it I think. The people I work with are so SMART! I'm going to learn a lot from them.
My next project will be interpreting physician writing for a higher literacy patient handout. I think I'll like that even more, because I can use more of my own conversational style than I can with low literacy.
I don't know how I ended up here. I never pictured myself living in Colorado. I'm not a tree-huggin, berkenstock-wearin, granola-eatin, no-makeup-wearin, exercise freak nature lovin' hippie. But I love it here! I love my job! I love the view, the weather, the beauty.
I'm slowly (very slowly) but surely losing the weight I've been needing to lose. I've been drinking much less beer. I look forward to waking up every day. I look forward to work. I actually go to the trouble to change clothes and walk every day during lunch.
Mary, who made being a junk-food snarfing couch potato practically a religion, is now currently reading Body for Life!
HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?! HAA!
Moving from Wichita was the smartest thing I ever accidentally and with little forethought, did.
If living well is the best revenge, I consider myself vindicated.
Just kidding of course.
I write low literacy patient handouts right now. I'm actually going to be pretty good at it I think. The people I work with are so SMART! I'm going to learn a lot from them.
My next project will be interpreting physician writing for a higher literacy patient handout. I think I'll like that even more, because I can use more of my own conversational style than I can with low literacy.
I don't know how I ended up here. I never pictured myself living in Colorado. I'm not a tree-huggin, berkenstock-wearin, granola-eatin, no-makeup-wearin, exercise freak nature lovin' hippie. But I love it here! I love my job! I love the view, the weather, the beauty.
I'm slowly (very slowly) but surely losing the weight I've been needing to lose. I've been drinking much less beer. I look forward to waking up every day. I look forward to work. I actually go to the trouble to change clothes and walk every day during lunch.
Mary, who made being a junk-food snarfing couch potato practically a religion, is now currently reading Body for Life!
HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?! HAA!
Moving from Wichita was the smartest thing I ever accidentally and with little forethought, did.
If living well is the best revenge, I consider myself vindicated.
Wednesday, August 07, 2002
Monday, August 05, 2002
Please take a second to read this article on how Congress is going to prevent a nursing shortage. As I told my boss, it's like putting a bandaid on a crack in the Hoover dam.
To me, they're making no effort to make the profession more rewarding. They are doing nothing to educate the physicians that yelling, cussing, and throwing scalpels at nurses doesn't make the profession more attractive. That 95% of RNs are female, yet most of hospital administration (the good jobs) are filled by males. That the highest promotion most nurses can even hope for is charge RN, and very few make it to that level. That nursing salary caps at around $22 - $24/hr, and when you consider that is 30 years experience, and working every other weekend, working nights, and working most holidays, working 13 hour shifts without even getting breaks to use the bathroom. All the while they save patients lives, alert doctors to changes in conditions and find mistakes and gaps in care, and patients and families treat them like stupid, senseless waitresses. That nurses have such demands put on them, they feel guilty for sitting down to even do their PAPERWORK.
Your feet hurt. Your knees go. Your back goes. And God forbid you get an injury; they won't even try to place you in a non-patient care position.
My nursing degree is worth nothing. It was harder to get than most other degrees. At my college, it was one of the few degrees where you had to get a 94% in the course to get an A. The rest of the college you had to get 90%.
But yet, it's worth as much as a degree in waitressing. I tried for years and years to get a job outside of nursing, no one gave me a chance. I was even told by a pharmaceutical company that they didn't want RN's as sales people because they were "used to a role that was subservient to docotrs."
EXCUSE ME? Show me a subservient nurse, and I'll show you dead patients. Doesn't happen. And if I can handle multitasking a million things at once, the responsibility of being alone with no physician in the whole hospital when my patient crashes, and being proactive and recognizing complications in their early stages, show me one BUSINESS situation that I can't handle! You can't. It's baby stuff.
The only reason why I was able to leave nursing is because I got 1/2 my MBA. I never got respect until I did that.
And the MBA was easy. Having a patient code on you is hard.
So Congress, spare me your bandaid approach. Spare me the scholarships. All you want to do is get new, inexperienced nurses so you can crap on them and burn them out. If this was a male dominated profession, this shit wouldn't fly for one second.
I don't even think nurses know how bad their working conditions are. But now that I'm in the business world, I can tell you that no business would EVER get away with subjecting their employees to the crappy hours and pay, the verbal abuse, that nurses get. They are exposed to horrible diseases. They get threatened and assaulted. And you show me ONE ER nurse or paramedic that didn't feel their lives were in danger at one time or another, and I'll show you someone from a very very small town. Hell, I had someone threaten to kill me when I was a unit clerk on a pediatrics unit!
If I had kids, I'd tell them this: I'll help you with any college courses you want to take, unless it's nursing.
I would not recommend it as a career for ANYONE, EVER.
To me, they're making no effort to make the profession more rewarding. They are doing nothing to educate the physicians that yelling, cussing, and throwing scalpels at nurses doesn't make the profession more attractive. That 95% of RNs are female, yet most of hospital administration (the good jobs) are filled by males. That the highest promotion most nurses can even hope for is charge RN, and very few make it to that level. That nursing salary caps at around $22 - $24/hr, and when you consider that is 30 years experience, and working every other weekend, working nights, and working most holidays, working 13 hour shifts without even getting breaks to use the bathroom. All the while they save patients lives, alert doctors to changes in conditions and find mistakes and gaps in care, and patients and families treat them like stupid, senseless waitresses. That nurses have such demands put on them, they feel guilty for sitting down to even do their PAPERWORK.
Your feet hurt. Your knees go. Your back goes. And God forbid you get an injury; they won't even try to place you in a non-patient care position.
My nursing degree is worth nothing. It was harder to get than most other degrees. At my college, it was one of the few degrees where you had to get a 94% in the course to get an A. The rest of the college you had to get 90%.
But yet, it's worth as much as a degree in waitressing. I tried for years and years to get a job outside of nursing, no one gave me a chance. I was even told by a pharmaceutical company that they didn't want RN's as sales people because they were "used to a role that was subservient to docotrs."
EXCUSE ME? Show me a subservient nurse, and I'll show you dead patients. Doesn't happen. And if I can handle multitasking a million things at once, the responsibility of being alone with no physician in the whole hospital when my patient crashes, and being proactive and recognizing complications in their early stages, show me one BUSINESS situation that I can't handle! You can't. It's baby stuff.
The only reason why I was able to leave nursing is because I got 1/2 my MBA. I never got respect until I did that.
And the MBA was easy. Having a patient code on you is hard.
So Congress, spare me your bandaid approach. Spare me the scholarships. All you want to do is get new, inexperienced nurses so you can crap on them and burn them out. If this was a male dominated profession, this shit wouldn't fly for one second.
I don't even think nurses know how bad their working conditions are. But now that I'm in the business world, I can tell you that no business would EVER get away with subjecting their employees to the crappy hours and pay, the verbal abuse, that nurses get. They are exposed to horrible diseases. They get threatened and assaulted. And you show me ONE ER nurse or paramedic that didn't feel their lives were in danger at one time or another, and I'll show you someone from a very very small town. Hell, I had someone threaten to kill me when I was a unit clerk on a pediatrics unit!
If I had kids, I'd tell them this: I'll help you with any college courses you want to take, unless it's nursing.
I would not recommend it as a career for ANYONE, EVER.
Saturday, August 03, 2002
In Macker's blog, I left some comments. In hindsight, I think I should repost them here, in case I ever fall in love again and lose my mind. It might be good to be reminded of how I feel when I'm not crazy!
I knew my husband for 7 years before I married him. Within 2 weeks of the wedding, he became emotionally abusive, escalating to physical abuse within a few weeks more. I never saw it coming.
If I ever get married again, I will insist on pre-marital counselling for both of us, so we can know ourselves and learn healthy communication patterns and conflict resolution. Have a solid foundation.
I think the mistake most people make is the mindset that everyone is supposed to get married. I think marriage should be reserved for the most special, "soul-mate" kind of love. I don't believe everyone finds that in life. Sad, but true.
Another mistake is that people ignore the business obligations of marriage. That is why money matters so often lead to divorce. The question shouldn't be, "Do I love him/her?", it should be, "Would I go into business and trust my life savings to him/her?" Because after all, that's what you're doing....
(comment #2)
Macker, perhaps celebrity marriages fail because they are surrounded by people who think they (the celebrity) are the center of the universe. Marriage is doomed if people keep their pride. Sounds twisted, and I'm sorry. But being humble is necessary for feeling true love, and making the compromises necessary to keeping love alive. I think celebrities are too self-involved to achieve this. Anyone whose career or ego is thier priority is too self-involved to attempt marriage. That doesn't mean they're bad people necessarily, it just means they should leave the matrimony to others.
Marcus, thanks for the validation. Be careful, you may just encourage me to develop some self-esteem ;-)
Looking back on my marriage fiasco, I think the reason I elicited so much hate from my husband is because of his expectations. We are raised that you get married and live "happily ever after". He had a horrible childhood, lots of pain. And when that pain didn't magically go away after the wedding vows, it was probably easier to blame me for being a horrible wife than it would be for him to admit to himself that he may always hurt. I may never know.
(Comment #3)
About jealousy and lusting, I am reminded of something someone told me once:
"As humans, we like to draw a line between right and wrong, just to feel the thrill of dancing around that line. I say we should run as far away from that line as possible."
So I will not comment on how Macker is hot. He his married, so I will run, neigh, SPRINT from that line!
Because marriage is beautiful. Let us put aside moral absolutes and religious significance, about which Macker, Marcus and I will never agree. (I visualize a number line, like what would be on your desk in grade school. I'm in the middle, or leaning a bit towards Macker's religious zeal on one end, and Marcus is way on the other end, choosing to rely on self and reason).
I dream of the day I can find someone to be my "family." There does not have to be an allegiance to a god or saviour to "keep someone in line." True love means merging, giving yourself to another, and doing this VOLUNTARILY, not because you fear the loss of heaven and the pains of hell!
Marriage means you will be there for that person, and they will be there for you. That is the payoff.
How many lust objects will be there to nurse you through an illness, or when you gain 15 pounds, or lose your job? Or when you're not the life of the party and hilarious, but when you're feeling a bit bitchy?
That is the beauty of love, of marriage. It is a person saying, "I'm not just going to use you as a vessel for my lust. I see your imperfections and love you anyway. I will stay with you even after the adrenalin of a new love has worn off, because you are more special than anyone I have ever met."
Don't we all want someone to RECOGNIZE in us, that we are more special than the rest of the world? Even if only to one person?
I knew my husband for 7 years before I married him. Within 2 weeks of the wedding, he became emotionally abusive, escalating to physical abuse within a few weeks more. I never saw it coming.
If I ever get married again, I will insist on pre-marital counselling for both of us, so we can know ourselves and learn healthy communication patterns and conflict resolution. Have a solid foundation.
I think the mistake most people make is the mindset that everyone is supposed to get married. I think marriage should be reserved for the most special, "soul-mate" kind of love. I don't believe everyone finds that in life. Sad, but true.
Another mistake is that people ignore the business obligations of marriage. That is why money matters so often lead to divorce. The question shouldn't be, "Do I love him/her?", it should be, "Would I go into business and trust my life savings to him/her?" Because after all, that's what you're doing....
(comment #2)
Macker, perhaps celebrity marriages fail because they are surrounded by people who think they (the celebrity) are the center of the universe. Marriage is doomed if people keep their pride. Sounds twisted, and I'm sorry. But being humble is necessary for feeling true love, and making the compromises necessary to keeping love alive. I think celebrities are too self-involved to achieve this. Anyone whose career or ego is thier priority is too self-involved to attempt marriage. That doesn't mean they're bad people necessarily, it just means they should leave the matrimony to others.
Marcus, thanks for the validation. Be careful, you may just encourage me to develop some self-esteem ;-)
Looking back on my marriage fiasco, I think the reason I elicited so much hate from my husband is because of his expectations. We are raised that you get married and live "happily ever after". He had a horrible childhood, lots of pain. And when that pain didn't magically go away after the wedding vows, it was probably easier to blame me for being a horrible wife than it would be for him to admit to himself that he may always hurt. I may never know.
(Comment #3)
About jealousy and lusting, I am reminded of something someone told me once:
"As humans, we like to draw a line between right and wrong, just to feel the thrill of dancing around that line. I say we should run as far away from that line as possible."
So I will not comment on how Macker is hot. He his married, so I will run, neigh, SPRINT from that line!
Because marriage is beautiful. Let us put aside moral absolutes and religious significance, about which Macker, Marcus and I will never agree. (I visualize a number line, like what would be on your desk in grade school. I'm in the middle, or leaning a bit towards Macker's religious zeal on one end, and Marcus is way on the other end, choosing to rely on self and reason).
I dream of the day I can find someone to be my "family." There does not have to be an allegiance to a god or saviour to "keep someone in line." True love means merging, giving yourself to another, and doing this VOLUNTARILY, not because you fear the loss of heaven and the pains of hell!
Marriage means you will be there for that person, and they will be there for you. That is the payoff.
How many lust objects will be there to nurse you through an illness, or when you gain 15 pounds, or lose your job? Or when you're not the life of the party and hilarious, but when you're feeling a bit bitchy?
That is the beauty of love, of marriage. It is a person saying, "I'm not just going to use you as a vessel for my lust. I see your imperfections and love you anyway. I will stay with you even after the adrenalin of a new love has worn off, because you are more special than anyone I have ever met."
Don't we all want someone to RECOGNIZE in us, that we are more special than the rest of the world? Even if only to one person?
Friday, August 02, 2002
I don't understand why humans are so repulsed when people get real.
I remember when I felt close to someone, when they confided in me or I confided in them, it felt so wonderful. There is nothing more reassuring than that feeling of someone being a kindred spirit, even if the connection is fleeting. What is it about "growing up" that makes us leave it behind?
If I date a guy and I'm not the happy, cheerleader/sorority girl at all times, they move on. Men marry women that are upbeat and have a perfect attitude all the time. The joke is on them because no one can keep up an act like that forever.
If you are real, if you think, if you're open... it is nothing but a liability. A totally unmarketable commodity.
It makes for a lonely little universe.
I remember when I felt close to someone, when they confided in me or I confided in them, it felt so wonderful. There is nothing more reassuring than that feeling of someone being a kindred spirit, even if the connection is fleeting. What is it about "growing up" that makes us leave it behind?
If I date a guy and I'm not the happy, cheerleader/sorority girl at all times, they move on. Men marry women that are upbeat and have a perfect attitude all the time. The joke is on them because no one can keep up an act like that forever.
If you are real, if you think, if you're open... it is nothing but a liability. A totally unmarketable commodity.
It makes for a lonely little universe.
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