(I love going to Marcus' blog. There is always something to comment upon. Here's my reply to the article HERE. Be sure to read Tabletop Evangelism. )
I've noticed that the people who are most "militant" about their beliefs (religious, political, what have you) are those whose egos rely on the superior feeling they glean by being "right" all the time.
Can you imagine the CONCEIT of someone who declares that they know exactly what God wants from us, and everyone else who believes differently is clueless?
Through millions of years of evolution, thousands of years of scholars studying ancient writings (including the Bible), no one can figure it out EXCEPT FOR THE (insert name of religious dogma here, i.e., Baptists, Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, etc.)
They have the market cornered on truth. Only they can speak for God (again, the conceit!) Only they will be given the keys to heaven.
You would think those people would be so full of love for their fellow man that they would have time to volunteer anonymously, share love and positive vibes, and be the peacemakers.
Yet those are the people who will be the FIRST to tell you all about it if they do something for charity. They are the ones who will circumvent all logic to win a religious debate. They are the ones who judge, and try to legislate and FORCE people to adhere to their moral codes. It all translates into ego gratification. They justify this by saying they're doing God's will, trying to awaken the masses, etc.
Theologically, I may not know much, but I would be willing to bet a year's worth of beer that God is pissed off! These people can expend all their energy judging others, explaining why they themselves are right and superior, and feeling all self-satisfied at the end of the day as they lay their self-righteous head upon their pompous pillows. But I bet God sees what they keep so busy trying to keep from recognizing in their own hearts: it's all a bunch of grand posturing for their own selfish purposes.
Evangelist, heal thyself!
Sunday, July 28, 2002
Saturday, July 27, 2002
I never thought there would ever be a time where I wouldn't consider myself Catholic. I still do, but I just don't think I believe what I used to believe.
The first issue is the whole power of the patriarchy thing. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and the recent instances about the church covering up molestation certainly brings that to light.
When someone "acts like a Christian," to me that means judging every decision and action against the example set by Jesus. I'm a normal everyday person and I try to keep that in mind (most of the time unsuccessfully, but still...) Let's set aside the sickness of the pedophile priests for just a moment. Let's look at the priests and bishops who covered it up. I cannot IMAGINE for the LIFE of me, a bishop thinking "What would Jesus do?" and coming up with the answer of, "He'd put his own ego and power structure at primary importance, he'd protect his own and have a "good ol' boy" network, and he'd put self-interest ahead of the safety of innocent children." But what else could they have been thinking when they made the decision to shuffle around pedophiles instead of protecting the faithful from them?
They were thumbing their nose at civil law, God's law... they truly behaved as if they were above both!
I cannot imagine the evil. And that is who is leading our spirituality?
I don't think it's just Catholics, either. I'm starting to think that organized religion is all about money, power, and ego gratification.
Yet I still think that religion is needed to gain knowledge. Being around people who think like you can strengthen your relationship with God.
So what does one do?
I look at the MUCH NICER lifestyle priests lead compared with nuns. They have more power, prestige, and wealth. More freedom and independence. It does not make sense that God made women lesser than men. So why are they considered of lesser value to the church? Less able to lead a congregation? Warning flags and alarm bells abound.
Why do wife-beaters beat women? Because they are afraid of them. All anger stems from fear. If you fear something, you try to diminish it, and gain power over it. That is why, in many religions, it is men who have most of the power. They fear anything but a patriarchal structure.
So they shape religion to fit this. They say, "God is male." They say, "Original sin is the fault of the woman." Women are belittled in the bible, even considered unclean. The bible says women should be cast out of the house during menstruation!
But Jesus didn't live like this. He had women as close advisors, in a society where women were degraded. On the cross, he called out to his Mother. Was he calling out to Mary, or to God?
I contend that God did not make what he did not know. That male/female is complimentary, and neither is better than the other. That the closer a person comes to balancing their maleness (intellect) with their femaleness (emotion), the better the person is. I believe God is both male and female. It doesn't make sense that he'd make man in his likeness, and just "think up" a woman from something He didn't ever know before. I think he made woman in his image also. That you can call God a "He" or a "She" and still be correct. That the form of Mary may actually be the female part of God. Or, at the very least it is proof that God holds women in just as high of esteem as men.
Can you tell I've been reading Sylvia Browne? There's a lot of her crap that I don't buy. But a lot of stuff is starting to make sense, too. And I will never be able to look at the Catholic church the same again.
The first issue is the whole power of the patriarchy thing. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, and the recent instances about the church covering up molestation certainly brings that to light.
When someone "acts like a Christian," to me that means judging every decision and action against the example set by Jesus. I'm a normal everyday person and I try to keep that in mind (most of the time unsuccessfully, but still...) Let's set aside the sickness of the pedophile priests for just a moment. Let's look at the priests and bishops who covered it up. I cannot IMAGINE for the LIFE of me, a bishop thinking "What would Jesus do?" and coming up with the answer of, "He'd put his own ego and power structure at primary importance, he'd protect his own and have a "good ol' boy" network, and he'd put self-interest ahead of the safety of innocent children." But what else could they have been thinking when they made the decision to shuffle around pedophiles instead of protecting the faithful from them?
They were thumbing their nose at civil law, God's law... they truly behaved as if they were above both!
I cannot imagine the evil. And that is who is leading our spirituality?
I don't think it's just Catholics, either. I'm starting to think that organized religion is all about money, power, and ego gratification.
Yet I still think that religion is needed to gain knowledge. Being around people who think like you can strengthen your relationship with God.
So what does one do?
I look at the MUCH NICER lifestyle priests lead compared with nuns. They have more power, prestige, and wealth. More freedom and independence. It does not make sense that God made women lesser than men. So why are they considered of lesser value to the church? Less able to lead a congregation? Warning flags and alarm bells abound.
Why do wife-beaters beat women? Because they are afraid of them. All anger stems from fear. If you fear something, you try to diminish it, and gain power over it. That is why, in many religions, it is men who have most of the power. They fear anything but a patriarchal structure.
So they shape religion to fit this. They say, "God is male." They say, "Original sin is the fault of the woman." Women are belittled in the bible, even considered unclean. The bible says women should be cast out of the house during menstruation!
But Jesus didn't live like this. He had women as close advisors, in a society where women were degraded. On the cross, he called out to his Mother. Was he calling out to Mary, or to God?
I contend that God did not make what he did not know. That male/female is complimentary, and neither is better than the other. That the closer a person comes to balancing their maleness (intellect) with their femaleness (emotion), the better the person is. I believe God is both male and female. It doesn't make sense that he'd make man in his likeness, and just "think up" a woman from something He didn't ever know before. I think he made woman in his image also. That you can call God a "He" or a "She" and still be correct. That the form of Mary may actually be the female part of God. Or, at the very least it is proof that God holds women in just as high of esteem as men.
Can you tell I've been reading Sylvia Browne? There's a lot of her crap that I don't buy. But a lot of stuff is starting to make sense, too. And I will never be able to look at the Catholic church the same again.
Thursday, July 25, 2002
Saturday, July 20, 2002
I sent this update to my friends in email, but there was an error and I'm not sure if they got it, so I'm posting it here:
I really like my new job. I know it's early, but I have a feeling I'll stay with the company a very long time.
In case you don't know, I now work for Thomson/Micromedex. If you are not in health care and haven't heard of their products (AfterCare, Poisondex, Biodex, CareNotes, DiseaseDex, TOMES, Martindale, etc etc.), you may have heard of the PDR (Physicians Desk Reference). Thomson makes that too.
I'm a Scientific Writer for the Consumer Content Editorial division. I'll be working on CareNotes, and later on the Praxis project (a company we just acquired in Montvale, New Jersey).
MICROMEDEX.
Today Kerry and I are going to go looking for property on her side of town. Kerry is a friend of mine from way back when I went to Jr. High in Miami, Oklahoma. She lives in Highlands Ranch, on the other side of Denver, right where I need to live. It would cut an hour (one way) off my commute (2 hours total) if I lived on that side of Denver.
Gas is 1.50/gal so I'm going to save money by taking the bus to work every day but Friday (Fridays we get off work at 2:30, no busses run that early). My company bought me a bus pass, and I tried it Thursday. The bus is really nice; upholstered seats, brand new, and mostly business people on it. It's not crowded so you get 2 seats to yourself. Much more relaxing than the commute through the construction on I-25. (I was nervous to take the bus at first, because of "public transportation" stereotypes, but since this is an express bus, it's mostly commuters).
It's so sad that I haven't been able to see the mountains clearly for most of the summer. First, too smoky from the Hayman fire. Now, there's a major fire called the Big Elk fire. I was driving home from work in the Tech Center Wednesday, and I saw the plumes of smoke up in the mountains and thought, "Oh great." Unlike the other fires, this one is on my side of Denver, but it is 35 miles away so I'm not worried or anything. This morning I could barely see the mountains it's so smoky. Also Boulder is about 10 miles from where I live, and some idiot started 2 fires there yesterday. One is out, the other is causing evacuations.
Denver Post - Boulder Fire.
Another sad thing is the crash of the PB4Y on Thursday. I remember the first time I saw the plane. The school I used to work for was directly across from the portion of tarmac at Jefferson County Airport where the slurry planes reload to fight fires. Since they've been fighting fires since May, I've had plenty of opportunity to go over and watch them. It's very interesting, and the crews and pilots would come over to the fence to talk to us and answer questions. There were always people there taking pictures. In fact, when I first saw the PB4y (T-123) on the tarmac, I asked if there was an antique airshow. I couldn't believe that plane was airworthy, let alone used to fight fires. The fuselage was rough, it just looked in bad shape. I was saddened but not surprised to hear it went down.
The pic in this news story is not of the plane that went down, but it is taken from the vantage point of where we'd stand to watch the slurry reloading.
Plane crash article.
Here's a pic of the plane that went down. You can see why I thought it was some sort of museum plane when I first saw it.
Pic of plane.
I really like my new job. I know it's early, but I have a feeling I'll stay with the company a very long time.
In case you don't know, I now work for Thomson/Micromedex. If you are not in health care and haven't heard of their products (AfterCare, Poisondex, Biodex, CareNotes, DiseaseDex, TOMES, Martindale, etc etc.), you may have heard of the PDR (Physicians Desk Reference). Thomson makes that too.
I'm a Scientific Writer for the Consumer Content Editorial division. I'll be working on CareNotes, and later on the Praxis project (a company we just acquired in Montvale, New Jersey).
MICROMEDEX.
Today Kerry and I are going to go looking for property on her side of town. Kerry is a friend of mine from way back when I went to Jr. High in Miami, Oklahoma. She lives in Highlands Ranch, on the other side of Denver, right where I need to live. It would cut an hour (one way) off my commute (2 hours total) if I lived on that side of Denver.
Gas is 1.50/gal so I'm going to save money by taking the bus to work every day but Friday (Fridays we get off work at 2:30, no busses run that early). My company bought me a bus pass, and I tried it Thursday. The bus is really nice; upholstered seats, brand new, and mostly business people on it. It's not crowded so you get 2 seats to yourself. Much more relaxing than the commute through the construction on I-25. (I was nervous to take the bus at first, because of "public transportation" stereotypes, but since this is an express bus, it's mostly commuters).
It's so sad that I haven't been able to see the mountains clearly for most of the summer. First, too smoky from the Hayman fire. Now, there's a major fire called the Big Elk fire. I was driving home from work in the Tech Center Wednesday, and I saw the plumes of smoke up in the mountains and thought, "Oh great." Unlike the other fires, this one is on my side of Denver, but it is 35 miles away so I'm not worried or anything. This morning I could barely see the mountains it's so smoky. Also Boulder is about 10 miles from where I live, and some idiot started 2 fires there yesterday. One is out, the other is causing evacuations.
Denver Post - Boulder Fire.
Another sad thing is the crash of the PB4Y on Thursday. I remember the first time I saw the plane. The school I used to work for was directly across from the portion of tarmac at Jefferson County Airport where the slurry planes reload to fight fires. Since they've been fighting fires since May, I've had plenty of opportunity to go over and watch them. It's very interesting, and the crews and pilots would come over to the fence to talk to us and answer questions. There were always people there taking pictures. In fact, when I first saw the PB4y (T-123) on the tarmac, I asked if there was an antique airshow. I couldn't believe that plane was airworthy, let alone used to fight fires. The fuselage was rough, it just looked in bad shape. I was saddened but not surprised to hear it went down.
The pic in this news story is not of the plane that went down, but it is taken from the vantage point of where we'd stand to watch the slurry reloading.
Plane crash article.
Here's a pic of the plane that went down. You can see why I thought it was some sort of museum plane when I first saw it.
Pic of plane.
Friday, July 19, 2002
I was so relieved to read the article below. In fact, I think the article downplays the reality of the culture of medicine today.
Pharmaceutical companies pay employees $55,000 (starting) and provide cars to their sales people. Within 5 years, after bonuses, these people can likely make $100,000 a year.
RN's in hospitals and doctors offices often make the decisions in requesting which medication therapy the patient should get to help a particular problem. I know when I started my RN career in CCU/MICU, I'd damn sure better not call a doctor and say something like, "His urine output has been 25cc/hr over the last 2 hours. What do you want to do? I'd better say, "The UO is < 30cc/hr the past 2 hours, pitting pedal edema, and O2 has needed to be increased to keep sats > 92%. What do you think about 100 mg Lasix IV now?" The Dr. would say yes or no. In home health, I'd ask for a medicine and often the RN would give me the order, without even talking to the doctor.
Do the pharm companies market to the RNs? No. We were lucky to get a pen (the doctors got the nice pens). They got vacations disguised as CME classes in exotic places, dinner, all sorts of hugely expensive perks.
Meanwhile, Grandma and Grandpa have to decide between getting their heart medicine or paying the electric bill.
How dare the pharmaceutical companies get huge six-figure salaries and dole out expensive gifts, while the people who need the medicines to live cannot afford it?
The whole thing sickens me.
Pharmaceutical marketing to physicians: Free gifts carry a high price
A drug industry trade group adds another voice to dropping extravagant gifts to doctors.
Editorial. June 10, 2002
From American Medical News (amednews.com)
http://www.ama-assn.org/sci-pubs/amnews/amn_02/edsa0610.htm
The AMA last year stepped up promotion of its long-standing ethical standards that greatly limit what gifts physicians should accept from industry. Now the pharmaceutical industry has issued its own useful guidelines aimed at curbing the unnecessary and troubling practice of treating physicians to fancy food, entertainment and more.
These welcome new standards, effective next month, are from the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America, the trade group that represents leading prescription drug and biotech firms. The guidelines are closely in synch with standards put forth in 1990 by the AMA Council on Ethical and Judicial Affairs that were revisited and clarified in 2000.
Such standards are needed because gift-giving inevitably raises concerns about conflict of interest. Even merely the appearance of improper behavior should be avoided.
While there is nothing wrong with a company wanting to get its message out, any interaction between a physician and industry should be based on what will benefit the patient. Hospitality such as gourmet meals (or even "dine and dash" take-out food), luxury gifts, tickets to sporting events and shows -- and certainly cash or gift certificates -- are inherently inconsistent with that aim.
Both sets of standards allow for modest meals under appropriate circumstances, such as a simple buffet lunch at a bona fide educational session. Also allowed are inexpensive items with a legitimate connection to medicine, for example, pens, note pads or even a stethoscope. Like the AMA guidelines, PhRMA also addresses the issue of speaker training and consultants, a particular trouble spot due to questionable cash payments and travel reimbursements. Those looking for a little more wiggle room in PhRMA's guidelines, compared with the AMA's, will find it. But for the most part, the two appear to complement each other well.
Even before the announcement, a group of top-tier pharmaceutical companies had provided financial support to the AMA awareness-building campaign on the CEJA gift standards (the companies had no role in writing them). Since last year, the AMA has distributed more than 300,000 brochures to physicians and drug company reps, operated an informational Web site and engaged in other activities to draw attention to the CEJA standards (http://www.ama-assn.org/go/ethicalgifts). The next phase of the AMA project is the development of Web-based educational materials, slated to launch later this year.
Both the AMA and the drug industry actions are timely. The CEJA guidelines, also endorsed by PhRMA at the time of their original release, came about as the result of a round of attention to industry gifts more than a decade ago. In recent years, bolder industry marketing activities again have prompted questions about the propriety of such gifts. Also prompting the AMA campaign is that nearly 200,000 physicians have entered practice since the CEJA guidelines were written, and many new sales reps were hired. It was important that they all be aware of the ethical standards.
Meanwhile, the pharmaceutical industry is coming under intense scrutiny over the price of drugs. The billions of dollars it spends each year in promotion to physicians now appears all the more questionable.
The big question is, of course, will the guidelines -- they are voluntary -- be followed? It's too early to tell, but the drug industry announcement should add power to the AMA's efforts. Most important, PhRMA's guidelines may cool down the competition between companies, while making outlier firms all the more conspicuous for their extravagance.
Physicians naturally resent the implication that a doctor would ever put "Where's mine?" over what's best for a patient. Yet industry gifts to physicians can't help but create the appearance of precisely such impropriety in many minds. The price to be paid for extravagant gifts isn't measured by the size of a drug company's marketing budget, but in the erosion of trust in the medical profession. No fancy dinner is worth that.
Pharmaceutical companies pay employees $55,000 (starting) and provide cars to their sales people. Within 5 years, after bonuses, these people can likely make $100,000 a year.
RN's in hospitals and doctors offices often make the decisions in requesting which medication therapy the patient should get to help a particular problem. I know when I started my RN career in CCU/MICU, I'd damn sure better not call a doctor and say something like, "His urine output has been 25cc/hr over the last 2 hours. What do you want to do? I'd better say, "The UO is < 30cc/hr the past 2 hours, pitting pedal edema, and O2 has needed to be increased to keep sats > 92%. What do you think about 100 mg Lasix IV now?" The Dr. would say yes or no. In home health, I'd ask for a medicine and often the RN would give me the order, without even talking to the doctor.
Do the pharm companies market to the RNs? No. We were lucky to get a pen (the doctors got the nice pens). They got vacations disguised as CME classes in exotic places, dinner, all sorts of hugely expensive perks.
Meanwhile, Grandma and Grandpa have to decide between getting their heart medicine or paying the electric bill.
How dare the pharmaceutical companies get huge six-figure salaries and dole out expensive gifts, while the people who need the medicines to live cannot afford it?
The whole thing sickens me.
A drug industry trade group adds another voice to dropping extravagant gifts to doctors.
Editorial. June 10, 2002
From American Medical News (amednews.com)
http://www.ama-assn.org/sci-pubs/amnews/amn_02/edsa0610.htm
The AMA last year stepped up promotion of its long-standing ethical standards that greatly limit what gifts physicians should accept from industry. Now the pharmaceutical industry has issued its own useful guidelines aimed at curbing the unnecessary and troubling practice of treating physicians to fancy food, entertainment and more.
These welcome new standards, effective next month, are from the Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America, the trade group that represents leading prescription drug and biotech firms. The guidelines are closely in synch with standards put forth in 1990 by the AMA Council on Ethical and Judicial Affairs that were revisited and clarified in 2000.
Such standards are needed because gift-giving inevitably raises concerns about conflict of interest. Even merely the appearance of improper behavior should be avoided.
While there is nothing wrong with a company wanting to get its message out, any interaction between a physician and industry should be based on what will benefit the patient. Hospitality such as gourmet meals (or even "dine and dash" take-out food), luxury gifts, tickets to sporting events and shows -- and certainly cash or gift certificates -- are inherently inconsistent with that aim.
Both sets of standards allow for modest meals under appropriate circumstances, such as a simple buffet lunch at a bona fide educational session. Also allowed are inexpensive items with a legitimate connection to medicine, for example, pens, note pads or even a stethoscope. Like the AMA guidelines, PhRMA also addresses the issue of speaker training and consultants, a particular trouble spot due to questionable cash payments and travel reimbursements. Those looking for a little more wiggle room in PhRMA's guidelines, compared with the AMA's, will find it. But for the most part, the two appear to complement each other well.
Even before the announcement, a group of top-tier pharmaceutical companies had provided financial support to the AMA awareness-building campaign on the CEJA gift standards (the companies had no role in writing them). Since last year, the AMA has distributed more than 300,000 brochures to physicians and drug company reps, operated an informational Web site and engaged in other activities to draw attention to the CEJA standards (http://www.ama-assn.org/go/ethicalgifts). The next phase of the AMA project is the development of Web-based educational materials, slated to launch later this year.
Both the AMA and the drug industry actions are timely. The CEJA guidelines, also endorsed by PhRMA at the time of their original release, came about as the result of a round of attention to industry gifts more than a decade ago. In recent years, bolder industry marketing activities again have prompted questions about the propriety of such gifts. Also prompting the AMA campaign is that nearly 200,000 physicians have entered practice since the CEJA guidelines were written, and many new sales reps were hired. It was important that they all be aware of the ethical standards.
Meanwhile, the pharmaceutical industry is coming under intense scrutiny over the price of drugs. The billions of dollars it spends each year in promotion to physicians now appears all the more questionable.
The big question is, of course, will the guidelines -- they are voluntary -- be followed? It's too early to tell, but the drug industry announcement should add power to the AMA's efforts. Most important, PhRMA's guidelines may cool down the competition between companies, while making outlier firms all the more conspicuous for their extravagance.
Physicians naturally resent the implication that a doctor would ever put "Where's mine?" over what's best for a patient. Yet industry gifts to physicians can't help but create the appearance of precisely such impropriety in many minds. The price to be paid for extravagant gifts isn't measured by the size of a drug company's marketing budget, but in the erosion of trust in the medical profession. No fancy dinner is worth that.
Tuesday, July 16, 2002
Townhomes and small houses in the area where I need to live run about $180,000. Which means I need to have an $18,000 down payment, and my house payment will likely be $1200/month. How can single people make it? Will I be able to get financed? Will I be able to move when my lease is up?
No earth shattering entry this morning.
I had a bizarre dream last night. I dreamt that I pulled up outside my grandmother's house, but my HS best friend's mother lived there. Upstairs, it looked just like my friends' house and not my grandma's. There were kids around. When I pulled up, a gorgeous, thin girl was leaving. I was there to see my boyfriend and I knew immediately seeing her that I had been cheated on. I go upstairs to see him, hurt and angry. He gets angry and defensive, cusses me out, flips me off, and dumps me. I go downstairs and my friend's mother is hella-pissed at me for being in a bad mood. I tried to explain to her that I was sick of being dumped, but she was still mad so I tried to help her out with the kids to win her approval. I never got it. Then I fed a pickle slice from a container of tuna to my friend's older brother.
What the hell does that mean?
The night before I dreamt of my friend's house, that I was trying to sneak there in the dark to put up Christmas decorations, but a family of skunks chased me away.
What the hell? Hee!
No earth shattering entry this morning.
I had a bizarre dream last night. I dreamt that I pulled up outside my grandmother's house, but my HS best friend's mother lived there. Upstairs, it looked just like my friends' house and not my grandma's. There were kids around. When I pulled up, a gorgeous, thin girl was leaving. I was there to see my boyfriend and I knew immediately seeing her that I had been cheated on. I go upstairs to see him, hurt and angry. He gets angry and defensive, cusses me out, flips me off, and dumps me. I go downstairs and my friend's mother is hella-pissed at me for being in a bad mood. I tried to explain to her that I was sick of being dumped, but she was still mad so I tried to help her out with the kids to win her approval. I never got it. Then I fed a pickle slice from a container of tuna to my friend's older brother.
What the hell does that mean?
The night before I dreamt of my friend's house, that I was trying to sneak there in the dark to put up Christmas decorations, but a family of skunks chased me away.
What the hell? Hee!
Monday, July 15, 2002
I'm at work, one week into my new job. I'm sure I'm going to like it. But so far, they have stuck me in a cubicle by myself. I've gone to about 2 hours worth of meetings, that's it. No one is training me and I have no assignments. I don't talk to anyone all day.
This is so new for me. I am such a motormouth. When I was a nurse, I'd talk to so many people every day. In ER, it would be in the hundreds. Now I don't talk to anyone at work, and I don't talk to anyone at home. I don't know many people here, and my friends in Wichita don't call, which is fine.
I am an island unto myself.
And this may not be such a bad thing.
This is so new for me. I am such a motormouth. When I was a nurse, I'd talk to so many people every day. In ER, it would be in the hundreds. Now I don't talk to anyone at work, and I don't talk to anyone at home. I don't know many people here, and my friends in Wichita don't call, which is fine.
I am an island unto myself.
And this may not be such a bad thing.
Sunday, July 14, 2002
I bought a DVD player Friday! I also bought the complete Sopranos second season. Had a Sopranos marathon yesterday, as I mopped up my apartment.
Here's what happened. Yesterday 8am I woke up to the sound of water dripping down. Also, my power was out. Best as I could figure, the water was dripping in the wall between my kitchen and hot water heater. But I didn't have a flashlight so I couldn't tell.
I called emergency maintenance to tell them. He was annoyed. He said it was water dripping into my hot water heater because the power was out. (??? My heater is a gas heater, and since when does electricity control the flow of water???). He interrupted me when I tried to ask questions and was rude.
That was 8:30 a.m. By 10 a.m. water was running out of my light fixtures in the kitchen and the laundry room. Power finally comes back on. I page him again and tell him this. He's annoyed. He said he already knows about it and hangs up.
By this time one of the girls is in the office. She's annoyed when I talk to her. She said something about the leak was caused by a broken hot water heater on the third floor (I'm on the first floor) and that the people aren't home, blah blah, and if it gets really bad they'll call someone to replace the heater over the weekend, but they're planning on replacing it on Monday.
9pm. Water has been dripping all day out of my light fixtures, an electrical outlet in the living room. My ceiling is stained, and water is also running out from under my stove. I call the maintenance guy to tell him it's still dripping. He's pissed, says it will do that, hangs up.
Obviously they didn't care WHERE the water was dripping in my apartment or what belongings were in harm's way.
My lease is up in December but I don't want to live here any more after this. What if I hadn't been home to clean up the water? And what if the guy had listened to me at 8:30 instead of 10 am? And why wouldn't they spring to have the water heater replaced on Saturday? (the other excuse that was given to me was that the people on the 3rd floor weren't home so they couldn't do anything which is bullshit).
I don't think I can use this as an excuse to get out of my lease, but I want to. I don't want to come home to ruined antiques all because a maintenance guy doesn't want to deal with something on a Saturday. I also think that after paying $900/month I deserve to be treated with a little more courtesy.
Here's what happened. Yesterday 8am I woke up to the sound of water dripping down. Also, my power was out. Best as I could figure, the water was dripping in the wall between my kitchen and hot water heater. But I didn't have a flashlight so I couldn't tell.
I called emergency maintenance to tell them. He was annoyed. He said it was water dripping into my hot water heater because the power was out. (??? My heater is a gas heater, and since when does electricity control the flow of water???). He interrupted me when I tried to ask questions and was rude.
That was 8:30 a.m. By 10 a.m. water was running out of my light fixtures in the kitchen and the laundry room. Power finally comes back on. I page him again and tell him this. He's annoyed. He said he already knows about it and hangs up.
By this time one of the girls is in the office. She's annoyed when I talk to her. She said something about the leak was caused by a broken hot water heater on the third floor (I'm on the first floor) and that the people aren't home, blah blah, and if it gets really bad they'll call someone to replace the heater over the weekend, but they're planning on replacing it on Monday.
9pm. Water has been dripping all day out of my light fixtures, an electrical outlet in the living room. My ceiling is stained, and water is also running out from under my stove. I call the maintenance guy to tell him it's still dripping. He's pissed, says it will do that, hangs up.
Obviously they didn't care WHERE the water was dripping in my apartment or what belongings were in harm's way.
My lease is up in December but I don't want to live here any more after this. What if I hadn't been home to clean up the water? And what if the guy had listened to me at 8:30 instead of 10 am? And why wouldn't they spring to have the water heater replaced on Saturday? (the other excuse that was given to me was that the people on the 3rd floor weren't home so they couldn't do anything which is bullshit).
I don't think I can use this as an excuse to get out of my lease, but I want to. I don't want to come home to ruined antiques all because a maintenance guy doesn't want to deal with something on a Saturday. I also think that after paying $900/month I deserve to be treated with a little more courtesy.
Sunday, July 07, 2002
I am just having the best time surfing around and discovering this blog thing. Click here for my latest discovery.
I appreciate the patience given by my readers about my recent weight-related rants. As some of you may know, it was set off by my mother's comment when I told her I had bought my digital camera. She said I should have spent my money on a treadmill.
Which is probably true. But still...
Anyway, just ignore the weight rants. I start my new job TOMORROW, which means I'll be cooling my relationship with my boyfriend the refrigerator (no pun intended). Hopefully I will also find new strength to resist the seduction of Mr. Drive-Thru. (He's SO HOT! Especially in the car on the way home! Wakka wakka!)
But even if I can't resist, those who think I'm worth less for ever pound I gain are sad people that I want out of my life anyway. Even if I'm related to them.
Now if I could just find a one-calorie beer...
I appreciate the patience given by my readers about my recent weight-related rants. As some of you may know, it was set off by my mother's comment when I told her I had bought my digital camera. She said I should have spent my money on a treadmill.
Which is probably true. But still...
Anyway, just ignore the weight rants. I start my new job TOMORROW, which means I'll be cooling my relationship with my boyfriend the refrigerator (no pun intended). Hopefully I will also find new strength to resist the seduction of Mr. Drive-Thru. (He's SO HOT! Especially in the car on the way home! Wakka wakka!)
But even if I can't resist, those who think I'm worth less for ever pound I gain are sad people that I want out of my life anyway. Even if I'm related to them.
Now if I could just find a one-calorie beer...
Friday, July 05, 2002
My theme song (according to Emode):
I Will Survive
The breed of dog I am (according to Emode):
No bones about it, you're a loyal, nurturing Collie. A sensitive breed, you're always approachable and very in tune with others' feelings — just like Lassie! Because of your empathetic nature, you tend to be the group psychologist to your circle of friends. Your faithful, easygoing, steadfast personality makes you a wonderful confidant; people love to come to you with their troubles. Bottom line? You're a star at interpersonal relationships and have a knack for making new friends and acquaintances wherever you go. After all, what's a Collie without a flock to look after? Since you're so giving, your buddies might not realize that you need them just as much as they need you, so make sure not to neglect yours truly. Everyone deserves some "me" time. Woof!
I Will Survive
The breed of dog I am (according to Emode):
No bones about it, you're a loyal, nurturing Collie. A sensitive breed, you're always approachable and very in tune with others' feelings — just like Lassie! Because of your empathetic nature, you tend to be the group psychologist to your circle of friends. Your faithful, easygoing, steadfast personality makes you a wonderful confidant; people love to come to you with their troubles. Bottom line? You're a star at interpersonal relationships and have a knack for making new friends and acquaintances wherever you go. After all, what's a Collie without a flock to look after? Since you're so giving, your buddies might not realize that you need them just as much as they need you, so make sure not to neglect yours truly. Everyone deserves some "me" time. Woof!
Thursday, July 04, 2002
CRAP! CRAP!
I just heard that Circuit City is getting rid of VHS and going to DVD.
I don't own a DVD player!
I have a 2 ghz desktop, a 1ghz laptop (who needs 2 computers?), $1400 worth of digital camera/accessories that I just bought, a PDA, and I don't own a DVD.
I'm way behind the tech curve! The horror, THE HORROR!
I've turned into my father. Mr. Betamax. Mr. Edsel.
I just heard that Circuit City is getting rid of VHS and going to DVD.
I don't own a DVD player!
I have a 2 ghz desktop, a 1ghz laptop (who needs 2 computers?), $1400 worth of digital camera/accessories that I just bought, a PDA, and I don't own a DVD.
I'm way behind the tech curve! The horror, THE HORROR!
I've turned into my father. Mr. Betamax. Mr. Edsel.
It is amazing how, once in a while, you run across someone who chooses not to like you for absolutely no reason.
I remember back when I was an EMT and working EMS reserves. The night crew was going off shift, as I showed up for a ride-along for the day shift. I was introduced to the medics leaving the building. I smiled, said hi, and said, "have a good sleep." That's it.
Four months later, my paramedic school teacher was hostile to me, told me not to even talk to her. Later, I found out that one of the dudes that were leaving the post that day four months earlier, told my teacher (who I admired and was fond of) that I was spreading rumors about her, what a horrible teacher she was. Keep in mind, I had never exchanged any words other than "hi" and "have good sleep" with this guy, and the only time I met him was a month BEFORE paramedic school started!
So my teacher "forgave" me. (I didn't DO anything!) I never did find out why this guy hated me. Years later after I became a nurse, he was in charge of hiring for an air-ambulance service. He refused to interview me and hired someone with much less experience. Also, I had more qualifications than HE did!
To this day, I have no memory of what the dude looks like. But I guess I sure made an impression on him!
There are more people like that in this world than I can possibly imagine, I'm sure.
Sometimes, I want to go live in a cave.
I remember back when I was an EMT and working EMS reserves. The night crew was going off shift, as I showed up for a ride-along for the day shift. I was introduced to the medics leaving the building. I smiled, said hi, and said, "have a good sleep." That's it.
Four months later, my paramedic school teacher was hostile to me, told me not to even talk to her. Later, I found out that one of the dudes that were leaving the post that day four months earlier, told my teacher (who I admired and was fond of) that I was spreading rumors about her, what a horrible teacher she was. Keep in mind, I had never exchanged any words other than "hi" and "have good sleep" with this guy, and the only time I met him was a month BEFORE paramedic school started!
So my teacher "forgave" me. (I didn't DO anything!) I never did find out why this guy hated me. Years later after I became a nurse, he was in charge of hiring for an air-ambulance service. He refused to interview me and hired someone with much less experience. Also, I had more qualifications than HE did!
To this day, I have no memory of what the dude looks like. But I guess I sure made an impression on him!
There are more people like that in this world than I can possibly imagine, I'm sure.
Sometimes, I want to go live in a cave.
Wednesday, July 03, 2002
Which Sifl & Olly Show Character Are You?
Brought to you by Fifth Dream Today.
I so FLIPPIN miss Sifl & Olly!
I start my new job in 5 days. I can't wait! After spending 12 years in healthcare, and one year in outside sales, a cubicle seems like heaven! And never having to deal with the public? IT'S LOVE, BABY!
People have said, "Oh, you poor thing, having to work in a cubicle!" and, "Don't expect to be writing anything important right off." I don't give a flying fuck if they have me make coffee for the next year. All I know is that it's 8-5, Monday through Friday, and I get my own cubicle with drawers and a computer. And a 25% raise. I haven't felt so grateful to have a particular job since I was hired to work what was then my dream job, RN in CCU/MICU. And that job turned out wonderfully, I learned so much and gained tons of confidence, and maybe even saved a life or two. That was in 1995. (I remember telling the charge nurse in the interview that I wanted to work there so badly, it is what caused me to go to nursing school, and if they wanted me to scrub floors with toothbrushes to prove it, I would. And I meant every word.)
Now, I'm getting that same "my dreams have come true" feeling about this job. I'm not writing War and Peace, but I'm writing, it will make a difference in peoples lives, but I never have to deal with the actual people! I don't have to work 13 hour shifts, night shifts, weekends, holidays. I don't have to work 9 hours with no breaks before I get to use the bathroom (then feel guilty for taking the time to wipe). I don't have to be treated like a waitress by the doctors, like a scapegoat by the occasional patient or family member who has a miserable life and decides to take it out on me just because they know I'll get fired if I tell them to go fuck themselves. (Ha! And people wonder why there is a nursing shortage).
I don't have to work a 7 day a week sales job, where I had a boss who actually told me he doesn't pay me to think. I don't have to deal with threats and manipulation, bosses taking credit for my work, working my ass off and meeting all quotas, just to start over the next month. Never being off work, because my office was at home.
I am so grateful for this new job! I know I will be just one peon in a sea of cubicles. I know it will be hard work. But I'll get to use my brain, and I'll get to write.
Even when I was between jobs, I was pestered with, "I guess you'll move back to Wichita now." Why in the FUCK would I ever move back? I couldn't wait to get out of there, and I'm never ever moving back. A town full of people standing around waiting for you to fail so they can feel better about themselves. I sold my house, which was the only thing keeping me there the last 3 years anyway. I swear, some people just don't think. Why would I MOVE just to look for some crappy nursing job in a town of 300,000, when right now I live in commuting distance of Denver/Boulder/Ft. Collins, with endless job opportunities?
I think people have that attitude because they want to see me fail. How dare a single person, who is only a nurse after all, take it upon herself to move to a big city? Like she thinks she deserves something good, the uppity bitch. Of course she "failed" (I didn't fail, I quit my job because I didn't like it, that's not failing). Of course she'd come running back (Oh, you'd like to see that, wouldn't you?)
I've about had it with being underestimated. With people waiting for me to fail because they get some sort of satisfaction from it (sorry to disappoint you, assbags). I'm sick of family and friends having this look on their face like, "my God she's gained a lot of weight", and you can see the anticipation in their eyes of the enjoyment they'll get when I finally leave the room so they can whisper about it.
I do not stop caring about someone because they gain weight, or because they lose weight. That is ridiculous.
I may take some sort of sick satisfaction when an enemy fucks up (I am human after all), but NEVER when someone I care about meets upon rough times.
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Aaah, but I digress. God has blessed me with what, to anyone who has ever had to deal with the SHIT of being a nurse, I would consider heaven: AN OFFICE JOB. And I know it's because I've had people praying for me.
People have said, "Oh, you poor thing, having to work in a cubicle!" and, "Don't expect to be writing anything important right off." I don't give a flying fuck if they have me make coffee for the next year. All I know is that it's 8-5, Monday through Friday, and I get my own cubicle with drawers and a computer. And a 25% raise. I haven't felt so grateful to have a particular job since I was hired to work what was then my dream job, RN in CCU/MICU. And that job turned out wonderfully, I learned so much and gained tons of confidence, and maybe even saved a life or two. That was in 1995. (I remember telling the charge nurse in the interview that I wanted to work there so badly, it is what caused me to go to nursing school, and if they wanted me to scrub floors with toothbrushes to prove it, I would. And I meant every word.)
Now, I'm getting that same "my dreams have come true" feeling about this job. I'm not writing War and Peace, but I'm writing, it will make a difference in peoples lives, but I never have to deal with the actual people! I don't have to work 13 hour shifts, night shifts, weekends, holidays. I don't have to work 9 hours with no breaks before I get to use the bathroom (then feel guilty for taking the time to wipe). I don't have to be treated like a waitress by the doctors, like a scapegoat by the occasional patient or family member who has a miserable life and decides to take it out on me just because they know I'll get fired if I tell them to go fuck themselves. (Ha! And people wonder why there is a nursing shortage).
I don't have to work a 7 day a week sales job, where I had a boss who actually told me he doesn't pay me to think. I don't have to deal with threats and manipulation, bosses taking credit for my work, working my ass off and meeting all quotas, just to start over the next month. Never being off work, because my office was at home.
I am so grateful for this new job! I know I will be just one peon in a sea of cubicles. I know it will be hard work. But I'll get to use my brain, and I'll get to write.
Even when I was between jobs, I was pestered with, "I guess you'll move back to Wichita now." Why in the FUCK would I ever move back? I couldn't wait to get out of there, and I'm never ever moving back. A town full of people standing around waiting for you to fail so they can feel better about themselves. I sold my house, which was the only thing keeping me there the last 3 years anyway. I swear, some people just don't think. Why would I MOVE just to look for some crappy nursing job in a town of 300,000, when right now I live in commuting distance of Denver/Boulder/Ft. Collins, with endless job opportunities?
I think people have that attitude because they want to see me fail. How dare a single person, who is only a nurse after all, take it upon herself to move to a big city? Like she thinks she deserves something good, the uppity bitch. Of course she "failed" (I didn't fail, I quit my job because I didn't like it, that's not failing). Of course she'd come running back (Oh, you'd like to see that, wouldn't you?)
I've about had it with being underestimated. With people waiting for me to fail because they get some sort of satisfaction from it (sorry to disappoint you, assbags). I'm sick of family and friends having this look on their face like, "my God she's gained a lot of weight", and you can see the anticipation in their eyes of the enjoyment they'll get when I finally leave the room so they can whisper about it.
I do not stop caring about someone because they gain weight, or because they lose weight. That is ridiculous.
I may take some sort of sick satisfaction when an enemy fucks up (I am human after all), but NEVER when someone I care about meets upon rough times.
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Aaah, but I digress. God has blessed me with what, to anyone who has ever had to deal with the SHIT of being a nurse, I would consider heaven: AN OFFICE JOB. And I know it's because I've had people praying for me.
I would like to know, when does a person lose their worth? When their hair goes gray? When they become 5 pounds overweight? 50? When their income drops below what level? When their attractiveness falls below a certain standard? And who sets that standard? When they go above a certain age? Or I guess age is OK, as long as you've achieved the external validation of having been wed, or the Darwinian usefulness of spewing out a spawn.
OK, so help me because I'm bad at math. What is my value as a person?
I'm female (-10)
Who has opinions (-5)
I have a bachelors degree (+8)
And 1/2 an MBA (+2)
I'm overweight (-20)
But I have big tits (+2)
I make good money (+5)
I have cool stuff (+5)
But I don't have cool clothes (nor do I care) (-5)
Cool car (+1)
Single (-15)
Well, this is getting depressing. I haven't seen seen so many negative numbers since I last balanced my checkbook.
Crap. I don't look like the girls on MTV and every single tv show. Therefore, I have no worth on this planet. Somebody kill me, quick!
OK, so help me because I'm bad at math. What is my value as a person?
I'm female (-10)
Who has opinions (-5)
I have a bachelors degree (+8)
And 1/2 an MBA (+2)
I'm overweight (-20)
But I have big tits (+2)
I make good money (+5)
I have cool stuff (+5)
But I don't have cool clothes (nor do I care) (-5)
Cool car (+1)
Single (-15)
Well, this is getting depressing. I haven't seen seen so many negative numbers since I last balanced my checkbook.
Crap. I don't look like the girls on MTV and every single tv show. Therefore, I have no worth on this planet. Somebody kill me, quick!
Tuesday, July 02, 2002
(I posted this on a message board after yet another "Christian Bashing" by those who are atheists and that anyone who believes otherwise is pathetic and stupid).
Those that don't believe get offended if someone says they are arrogant to think they know it all.
But then they expect those of us who DO believe to sit there and smile, and not stick up for ourselvess when you call us:
superstitious
weak (needing a crutch to get through life)
ignorant (because if we were smart we'd have the same opinions you do)
I've had a breakthrough lately. Yes, I still think there is a higher power. But I don't think that higher power gives one shit whether people believe or not.
I was raised Catholic, so you all know what a departure this is for me. I was raised that you don't ask God for anything unless it's really important. And you give thanks constantly. "God, thanks for that green light" "God, thanks for making my split ends go away."
I think God thinks its cool to be thanked, but in the end it doesn't score points or anything. I don't think God is that big of an EGOMANIAC that He/She demands constant adulation and attention.
If there is a God, do you think She cares if a person believes in Her/Him or not? I was raised to think that is the key to salvation. But my recent readings have made me realize:
True, pure love is love that is given whether OR NOT it is returned. I have had brief flickering moments where I was able to shed my selfishness and pettiness long enough to catch a glimpse of what it is like to love that way. If I can do it, I'm sure God can.
But the elitist attitudes have to stop. The atheists who condescend to those of us who have "fallen for the opiates of the masses" can take their judgment of me and shove it. If they let me be, then fine. But to be judged as a less intelligent person than them? Um, I don't THINK SO. I'll sit down across a table from them and take an IQ test; I guarantee they are no smarter than I am, so get off it.
Same goes for the self-righteous religious zealots who use God as an excuse to feel they are superior to others. I have a hunch that God would rather you not believe in Him/Her altogether, than have people go around using Him/Her as an excuse to look down on others, and commit wars, and take money from people and use it for selfish purposes. Those people can stick it up their asses too. I guarantee you, if God has a preference, He/She would prefer the company of atheists!
I'm just starting to realize that religion is meant to be a tool, not a salvation. Religion was probably meant to help people gather knowledge, to help them get through this difficult life. Now religion is big business, and in the end doesn't help much, and often hurts.
My faith in "religion" is shaken. But my faith in a higher power that consists of pure love is as strong as ever. And I used to feel sorry for those who didn't believe in God, and now I don't. I no longer believe that they will "suffer" in the afterlife for not believing, or that they're sinning for not believing. I'm not buying that crap any more. They'll meet God in the afterlife and have a pleasant surprise. And I'll probably need deprogramming when I get to the other side, to erase all the crap I've been fed about God being vengeful and conceited, so I can see the truth. Or it may be nothing like that at all. In the end, I don't think God is going to give me "demerits" because I GUESSED WRONG.
But what is it with the "I'm smarter than you because I don't believe" undercurrents? It's not AS annoying as listening to a southern baptist rattle on about their own holiness and superiority, but it's close. So chill!
Those that don't believe get offended if someone says they are arrogant to think they know it all.
But then they expect those of us who DO believe to sit there and smile, and not stick up for ourselvess when you call us:
superstitious
weak (needing a crutch to get through life)
ignorant (because if we were smart we'd have the same opinions you do)
I've had a breakthrough lately. Yes, I still think there is a higher power. But I don't think that higher power gives one shit whether people believe or not.
I was raised Catholic, so you all know what a departure this is for me. I was raised that you don't ask God for anything unless it's really important. And you give thanks constantly. "God, thanks for that green light" "God, thanks for making my split ends go away."
I think God thinks its cool to be thanked, but in the end it doesn't score points or anything. I don't think God is that big of an EGOMANIAC that He/She demands constant adulation and attention.
If there is a God, do you think She cares if a person believes in Her/Him or not? I was raised to think that is the key to salvation. But my recent readings have made me realize:
True, pure love is love that is given whether OR NOT it is returned. I have had brief flickering moments where I was able to shed my selfishness and pettiness long enough to catch a glimpse of what it is like to love that way. If I can do it, I'm sure God can.
But the elitist attitudes have to stop. The atheists who condescend to those of us who have "fallen for the opiates of the masses" can take their judgment of me and shove it. If they let me be, then fine. But to be judged as a less intelligent person than them? Um, I don't THINK SO. I'll sit down across a table from them and take an IQ test; I guarantee they are no smarter than I am, so get off it.
Same goes for the self-righteous religious zealots who use God as an excuse to feel they are superior to others. I have a hunch that God would rather you not believe in Him/Her altogether, than have people go around using Him/Her as an excuse to look down on others, and commit wars, and take money from people and use it for selfish purposes. Those people can stick it up their asses too. I guarantee you, if God has a preference, He/She would prefer the company of atheists!
I'm just starting to realize that religion is meant to be a tool, not a salvation. Religion was probably meant to help people gather knowledge, to help them get through this difficult life. Now religion is big business, and in the end doesn't help much, and often hurts.
My faith in "religion" is shaken. But my faith in a higher power that consists of pure love is as strong as ever. And I used to feel sorry for those who didn't believe in God, and now I don't. I no longer believe that they will "suffer" in the afterlife for not believing, or that they're sinning for not believing. I'm not buying that crap any more. They'll meet God in the afterlife and have a pleasant surprise. And I'll probably need deprogramming when I get to the other side, to erase all the crap I've been fed about God being vengeful and conceited, so I can see the truth. Or it may be nothing like that at all. In the end, I don't think God is going to give me "demerits" because I GUESSED WRONG.
But what is it with the "I'm smarter than you because I don't believe" undercurrents? It's not AS annoying as listening to a southern baptist rattle on about their own holiness and superiority, but it's close. So chill!
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